Horoscopes – 23/3/26
Aries: 6 g-spots from The Outback is exactly what you need right now. It will not end badly for you. You will not be kicked out of the club. Taurus: There’s a reason that pie was $2.50 at 10pm from the shady dairy, and I think you’re going to find out tomorrow morning Gemini: Going out every weekend is absolutely making the most of […]
Horoscopes – 2/09
Aries This week, you’re rocking the “Neon Nostalgia” trend—bright and bold colours that scream “I was cool in the ‘80s and I’m back, baby!” Embrace your inner walking highlighter. Taurus Your fashion micro trend is “Cozy Couture.” Think soft sweaters and plush fabrics that make you feel like you’re wrapped in a cloud. You’ll look […]
Horoscopes – 5/8
Aries: Say it. Say the word. Say the weird thing. Taurus: This is not a sign. Please stop yearning for your ex situationship. Gemini: Your habit of ghosting people out of boredom needs to be tested for a case study. Just don’t do that. Cancer: You are seeking balance in your life. This is your […]
Horoscopes – 22/7
Aries Just because you’re a fire sign doesn’t mean you have to burn all your bridges. Taurus I have no beef with taurus, keep pushing sis. Gemini Stop lying to the hot girl in your dms that you can play an instrument. Cancer Because who needs a therapist when you can over analyse every single […]
Horoscopes – 8/07
Aquarius Somebody out there loves you. So much. Tell your partner they’re pretty. Do it. Pussy. Pisces You will wear socks… Then step in a puddle. This is devastating. Oh well. Aries Being “blunt” isn’t a personality trait. It’s kinda mean x (Love from – Everybody Around You) Taurus STRONK BOYE – You’ve been […]
Horoscopes – 20/5
Aries Drink a cup of water. Remember, WATER, not an energy drink. Taurus Happy Birth Month! Hope y’all grow taller. Gemini Stop telling your girlfriend’s mom “I know where she got her beauty from”. It’s not funny. It screams mommy issues. Cancer How’s that partner of yours doing? Are they being manipulated yet? Leo It […]
Horoscopes – 6/5
Horoscopes, from the friend that gives *questionable* advice edition Aries Whatever you’re umming and erring about- just do it for the plot. Taurus Definitely text an ex. From someone who’s dated far too many of you cold lovers, a little comeback would help our egos. Gemini I really feel like you guys would benefit from […]
Horoscopes – 8/4
Horoscopes, Toxic Editon lol Aries: “They’re like a firecracker – loud, flashy, and gone before you know it.” Taurus: “Stubborn as a bull, and about as subtle as one too.” Gemini: “Two-faced? Try twelve-faced.” Cancer: “Mood swings that make the weather jealous.” Leo: “King of the jungle… and the drama.” Virgo: “Perfectionist to the point […]
Horoscopes – 25/3
Aries Don’t play with people’s hearts or it will play you. Your actions have consequences. Taurus Get some sleep. You have pleased a lot of people, it’s time to rest. Gemini I’m sorry people said you’re mean. You are but that’s okay <3 Live your truth Queen. Cancer Appreciation for cancer women only: you are […]
Horoscopes – 11/3
Aries You’ve started the semester off really well, but you have your first assignment coming up and you’re pretty nervous. Yo, breathe. It’ll be fine. Taurus You’re regretting taking a philosophy paper because it’s not as easy as you thought it would be (we’ve all been there). Trust the process. Gemini Have you been to […]