Aries: Having a good day? Cool! Listen to Sun Bleached Flies by Ethel Cain to make it way better. I promise.
Taurus: That green Macbook neo is not calling your name. It’s actually really fucking ugly, not cute and nostalgic. You don’t need it.
Gemini: You were really inspired by the Artemis mission, and honestly go off. It was pretty awesome. Just don’t suddenly think you can be an astronaut.
Cancer: You’ve been sick for weeks. Student health services are free. Just go. You are not cool and strong for refusing medical attention.
Leo: Ferrari will not be winning the WDC or the WCC this year. Stop holding out hope, because it will just lead to Ferrari Depression again and we know you don’t need that.
Virgo: The three day bender you just went on was actually really cool, and the $250 you spent was not a poor financial decision at all.
Libra: Keep yelling and screaming at your evil flatmate rather than solving the problem with maturity. Maybe even call your Mum to come over and make it worse.
Scorpio: Stop asking your siblings to run errands for you. Your problems are not theirs as well.
Sagittarius: You should listen to your parents more often. They are actually right about how you’re a dropkick that needs more hobbies.
Capricorn: A late night drive with your close friends is in your future. Push through today to reach it.
Aquarius: Not going to class is cool and fun, but it will absolutely bite you in the ass come finals week.
Pisces: Maybe if you came into uni on time and did some study or something, then you wouldn’t have to fight tooth and nail for a park.
