So much of uni culture revolves around drugs. Getting stoned before class with a mate, getting black out drunk at a house party, taking enough gear at Outback to actually enjoy dnb. Not every student is a drinker, stoner, or junkie, but for many of us that’s how we log off after a long day on Moodle and how we relate to each other. It’s weird being sober-ish.
For so long getting fucked up was a massive part of my identity and consumed virtually all my time outside of work and uni.
It was liminal, once I crossed that boundary by having a drink or cone, nothing from my sober life mattered anymore and it wouldn’t until I woke up frustrated with myself and stressed because I just slept through a lecture and I have an assignment due that night. The problem wasn’t so much using substances when I did, it was how much they affected me when I was sober. My relationships with family and friends were fucked, and I had virtually no love life. All the talking stages I had eventually just got ghosted or sick of me never replying because I was already in a relationship with my bong.
If you’re aware of a drug or drinking problem and you think you’ll never escape it, you’ve resigned to it so you just enjoy the high, please know plenty other people have been there and it will end, you will get out of it. If you’re in control of your use and have a balance, you’re happy with, be careful because a cone or drink everyday can quickly become ten. If shit goes south in your life, lean into your passions not substances because whatever you’re running from will always catch up.
It’s buzzy because I don’t really regret being an addict. I learnt a lot about myself, became closer with other stoners, and sometimes felt like my creativity was enhanced. But I guess there’d be no point in regretting it anyway and I know it’s not something I’d wish on anyone.
If you’ve never used drugs or had a problem with them or drinking, congrats I’m fucking impressed. Peer pressure and student culture don’t make sobriety easy and your confidence is rad.
Getting sober was a really weird process, and having a clear mind felt ‘off’ for a while. Honestly, I think I only sobered up because I was distracted from my use for a while, and that’s what I’d recommend if you’re trying to use less. Distract yourself, with your passions, or studying, work, or friends, just anything to get your mind off your substance and to break your routine as an addict. There’s a weird ego trip to sobering up too, because once you go through the gnarly process of shaking the habit you feel like you can achieve anything.
It’s cool feeling way more conscious and motivated, not foggy or hungover all the time, and having way closer relationships with the people around me. It’s cool for my homies too because they were happy to see me sober and some of my friends were worried for a minute. I’m not in active addiction anymore, but I’m also not a square. It’s about balance, and it takes a while to find that. I had to really stop for a while before I could trust myself to use sometimes. But now I know I can feel dusty for a day without smoking or drinking that feeling away then spiralling back into old habits.
Whatever metaphor describes your relationship to addiction, remember there’s hope.
