Trump buys all of his staff the same shoes, guesses shoe sizes:
There are so many layers to this that I could make a joke about this with, but the fact he said “everyone’s afraid not to wear them” says enough I think.
A drone looking for a missing man finds a bear waking up from hibernation:
I love that even though there’s literally a multinational war going on at the moment, this was still one of Stuff’s top headlines. Truly riveting content.
Not-newsmaker of the week:
Paul Eagle exposed for spending $250,000 on personal accommodation, saying “I panicked”. Yeah, when I panic, I also spend a quarter of a million dollars of council money upgrading my house. I also forge documents to support this too. So relatable.
Air New Zealand concerned about 44,000 passengers being affected by rising fuel prices:
I was going to say “if my economy ticket is $600 for a three-hour flight to Melbourne with no luggage, you should be able to afford petrol” until I googled it and realised it costs half a million dollars to fill a plane with gas.
THE EXOR-CHRIS HAS BEGUN?
New Zealand politics is having a rough week. Turns out, whether bald and stuttering or literally running, crying to the press, it wasn’t a great week to be a political leader, and the R word is being mentioned more and more. If Jasmine is reading this then the R Word is Resignation. But with Chris Bishop ruling out a coup d’état, what would a hypothetical Chris-free world look like? Here are the top three candidates for either party.
NATIONAL
Tama Potaka: Weirdly, he was linked to a leadership challenge the other day. Forget policies for a second, if Prime Ministers were elected on O’Week Giveaway pens, then he would win in a landslide. He may also try to kill Superman, though. We thought about adding John Lawrenson as his deputy, but National would be like joining the socialists.
Neil Quigley
It’s like that old saying, “Man can not live on Med School alone” He has already been chairman of the Reserve Bank of Governors. Give him the job! He may need a cabinet reshuffle, though.
Scott Robertson
I mean, this National Government has sucked, and if there is one person who knows something about not winning or looking remotely confident in the role it’s.. .Judith Collins, but she retired, so Razor?
LABOUR
Arena Williams
competent, confident and just enough AOC about her to be a crazy yet fascinating choice. She is the best case scenario for a Labour Party that could face genuine competition from the Greens and The Opportunity (we tried not to laugh at that last part)
Jacinda Ardern
If Labour are serious about reversing the net migration to Australia there is one name they could bring back from over the Tasman
Rose
Honestly, at this point, we would take either APT singer Rose OR UK-based comedian Rose Matafeo. Either one would do a better job than most of the politicians.
