Aquarius

Somebody out there loves you. So much. Tell your partner they’re pretty. Do it. Pussy.  

Pisces

You will wear socks… Then step in a puddle. This is devastating. Oh well. 

Aries

Being “blunt” isn’t a personality trait. It’s kinda mean x (Love from – Everybody Around You) 

Taurus

STRONK BOYE – You’ve been too strong lately… Take a break babes x It’s hard being a rock for everyone else <3 

Gemini

At least one of MY two faces is pretty… Can’t be said for all Gemini babies… Here’s a challenge! Don’t talk shit about ANYONE this week… or else you’ll end up like Pisces. 

Cancer

Happy birthday you gorgeous human! Eat all the cake, it’s your party and you can cry if you want to. And you’ll win the lottery. And you’ll be beautiful forever <3 

Leo

At what point does over-confidence cross the line into narcissism? Guess you’re here so we can find out…  

Virgo

Re-Organise my life PLEASE. I BEG YOU. I NEED SOMEONE PRODUCTIVE TO TELL ME WHERE THINGS GO! 

Libra

To do things… Or not to do things… Go cry about it babes x 

Scorpio

You’re either going to have an amazing week or a not-so-amazing week, and that all depends on whether karma likes you x  

Sagittarius

This is your sign… Everything you’ve ever wanted… Will happen… Eventually…  

Capricorn

LOOK OUT FOR THE NUMBER 69 (It’s important… I swear) AND AVOID ANYTHING NEON ORANGE (No reason, I just DESPISE the colour).