I remember my friends and I needing money when we were younger. Lemonade wasnβt actually as easy to make as those American movies made it out to be; it usually ends up tasting like shit actually. So that was out. We tried walking the streets of WhangΔrei, knocking on peopleβs doors asking if they needed help around their section. Considering one of my friendβs would always try to wear his dadβs patch, that didnβt turn out too well either. My other mate nearly pissed himself with excitement when he got a FB message saying that his long lost relative from another country had just died and wanted to leave everything to him; all he had to do was send him X amount of cash. Thank the Lord his bank account was emptier than a middle aged man at the strippers.
As long as there is money, there will always be someone trying to hustle. And as time goes on, the hustle evolves, it changes; it reads the population and adapts to try and beat the consumers like a subpar Terminator villain. The latest iteration of this hustle has swept through the world of social media and it calls itself βArbonneβ.
It started with my aunty talking about spending A THOUSAND dollars on my cousinβs latest health venture. But she had money to spare and it was for a good cause, right?
It then began seeping into my Instagram feed: one moment Iβm watching someoneβs boring video of their kids at the park, and by the next tap Iβm slapped with smoothies and discount codes. Every social media post becomes an inspirational quote or story. And theyβre never alone. They have an army of βyasssβ people flinging love reacts at every move they make.
Now donβt get me wrong, Iβm all about people wanting to better themselves and gassing our friends the fuck up! But thereβs a line between trying to do better for yourself and when you have to stop and think βhave I turned into one of those βNigerian princesβ that sends out chain emails trying to scam people?β. Arbonne reps may not be wanting to hack our computers, but as the old saying goes, if you roll shit in glitter, itβs still a piece of shit.
If you talk to any Arbonne rep and question what theyβre up to, they act like youβve just murdered their parents. You may have even seen multiple videos by reps declaring βthis is not a pyramid schemeβ which screams out overcompensation. The company uses flash titles like βCEO of your own businessβ to make people believe theyβre living some Wolf of Wall Street dream. Thatβs called false hope, kids. And itβs dangerous to try and prey on peopleβs hope like that. The reality is that most CEOβs have worked fucking hard to get where they are. Theyβve put in hours on hours, probably neglected their kids and most likely even done some sketchy stuff too, but theyβve earnt their title.
Call me old school, but I believe that business should not be achieved where your friends and whΔnau are your main customers. Iβm sure you can all agree with me that Arbonne reps are annoying. You can be mid convo with a friend and then suddenly they’re telling you that you should do a cleanse, but itβs ok they have a sale on. You leave the convo feeling awkward, a little violated and the sudden need for a shower. Reps may be doing well in sales, but in the end itβs us, their loved ones, who have to fork out heaps of hush money to stop the constant sales requests. And despite the discount, that shit is still expensive.
Itβs clear that Arbonne is here to stay, for now. It isnβt the first hustle weβve seen (donβt get me started on that loom scheme) and it certainly wonβt be the last. We all want to make a quick buck; youβll probably even find me on the pokies with this logic. But If any Arbonne reps out there are reading this (Iβll be expecting some salty DMβs) I hope something in my rant has resonated with you. And I speak on behalf of most of the world when I sayβ¦
We donβt want to fucking buy anything..
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