LABOURS OF LOVE
Hipkins has suddenly pulled away from it’s commitment to reinstate the Māori Health Authority out of fears that, if they did reinstate it, it would just meet the same fate. Hipkins further said, “Nah yea, gotta be honest we’ve realised that we don’t actually really need to do anything and it’s all pointless. Have you ever read Nietzsche by the way?”
NAH-PAL, WON’T HAPPEN HERE
Following the deadly glacial floods that swept Nepal, Southland residents have had to face the reality that climate change may lead to similar flooding and tsunami-style disasters because of Milford sound.
ACT have proposed, in a genius interventionist stroke, to abolish the Climate Change commission.
IN THE CLOUDS
High Alert, Aotearoa’s early warning system for notably dangerous drugs, issued a warning that some vape pods had been found to be laced with etomidate, an anesthetic drug. The dangers, so they say, is that you will feel so awesome after hitting it that everybody will be so jealous of how cool you are, and this may lead to your vape being stolen in a violent altercation.
BEWITCHED
“Do not try astral projecting to harm Winston Peters,” a local witch has told Nexus in an exclusive interview, “I cast a hex to induce a stroke but it accidentally ricocheted across the astral plane and I got a nasty wicked Black Ops 2 style trickshot on Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, and the King of fucking Norway.”
