I Became a Corporate Baddie, So You Don’t Have To

Believe it or not, I took on a big girl corporate ass job at the beginning of this year! As a former slave to hospitality, my biggest motivation to get an office job was the ability to sit down 8 hours a day, help myself to coffee, and have breaks without feeling a sense of impending doom. The Office Siren aesthetic flooding my Pinterest may have also played a factor or two! However, it’s not all sunshine and kitten heels- here’s what I’ve observed so far.  

Pros 

1. The Wardrobe: Forget casual Fridays; every day is a fashion show! From power suits that scream Girl Boss *painted nail emoji* to shoes that could double as weapons, corporate baddies have an excuse to splurge on the latest trends. And let’s not forget the joy of secretly wearing comfy sneakers or kicking off your sandals under that mahogany desk. 

2. Office Jargon Mastery: Ever wanted to casually drop phrases like “synergy,” “blue-sky thinking,” or “let’s touch base offline”? As a corporate baddie, you’ll master the art of speaking fluent business gibberish, impressing colleagues, and confusing outsiders in equal measure.

3. Networking (aka Free Alcohol): The water cooler talk has evolved into after-work drinks where deals are discussed, and alliances forged. Being a corporate baddie means expanding your professional network while trying to maintain your balance after one too many “networking” cocktails. Gosh, I could write another whole list just on the top 10 things not to do at staff dos (that I have done). 

4. PowerPoint Wizardry: Transforming mundane data into eye-catching presentations is a superpower every corporate baddie possesses. Who needs Avengers when you can single-handedly captivate a boardroom with pie charts and bullet points? I’m a freak in the *Google* sheets. 

5. Expense Accounts: Dining at fancy restaurants on the company dime? Yes, please! Corporate baddies get to enjoy the occasional gourmet lunch while pretending to discuss “business strategies” AKA chat about the hot new hire! 

Cons 

1. Meeting Overload: Forget about actual work; your calendar is a rainbow of back-to-back meetings. Coffee becomes your lifeline as you navigate hours of discussing things that could’ve been an email. It’s no longer your favourite drink, it’s your medicine. 

2. Office Politics: Navigating the intricate web of office politics is like playing a never-ending game of chess, where alliances shift faster than you can say “promotion.” One wrong move and you could find yourself in a meeting with HR. Can’t stress how hard it can be to not date your coworkers. My life is unfortunately similar to Love Island. 

3. Impostor Syndrome: Despite the power suits and polished LinkedIn profile, every corporate baddie secretly wonders if they’re just faking it till they make it. Is that corner office really within reach, or are you just one bad quarter away from becoming yesterday’s PowerPoint hero? Like who am I to be sending meeting requests? I’m just a girl. 

4. Existential Crises: Is this what adulthood is supposed to look like? As a corporate baddie, you might occasionally find yourself pondering life’s big questions while staring blankly at yet another spreadsheet.

In conclusion, being a corporate baddie is a rollercoaster ride of power lunches, endless emails, and occasional existential dread. But hey, at least you get to wear cute shoes to work!