Top 5 UK campuses thatβll make you feel ashamed to study in Hamilton
If youβre to forget about the rampant knife crime, scooter crime, general cost of living, having to admit that you live in the UK, the soul crushing absence of bakery pies, being in close proximity to people who care about the royal family, and the fact that unless your parents are minted your student accommodation would make the gutters of Cameron Road look appealing – the UK really hits the mark on student life.
Thereβs no doubt that Waikato can be a dreary hole of despair, especially when looking at the piss poor student engagement on campus, but in comparison to other uniβs, weβve got it fairly sussed. Flats are generally decent, itβs a shitload cheaper than other cities, and you get the added bonus of people thinking youβre semi down to earth for making a sensible decision. Obviously if you were looking for that hectic student lifestyle youβd have fucked off to dunners by now, but you didnβt, youβre still hanging about in Waikato itching at the bit for your next fix of anti-Hamilton propaganda. Luckily weβve done some moderately lazy research to satiate your masochist tendencies and provide fantasies of the greener pastures 18,000kms away.
5. University of Dundee
Located in the heart of a city about as forgettable as Hamilton, Dundee is a home away from home. Ranked as Scotlandβs best university for student life itβs a safe enough bet. The city is small but full of life, the studentsβ union is regarded as a dead set good night, and since itβs located in a country with functioning public transport, itβs easy enough to pop down to Edinburgh and Glasgow when youβre craving the metropolitan buzz. Thereβs no big defining characteristic which makes this uni stand out, itβs more or less just everything Waikato wishes it could be – the lovable underdog which cares more about itβs students than profit.
Positives
– Student life is βbuzzingβ and βvibrantβ according to their official website
– Thereβs a functioning campus bar
– Their studentsβ union achieves something other than providing a their directors a stamp on the CV
– Itβs not in England
Negatives
– Youβd be referred to as a βDundonianβ
Campus is fairly fuck ugly
4. Lancaster University
On Google maps this campus looks like the equivalent to Lincoln uni, itβs small, fucking ages from everything, and gives off the impression that itβs full of country bumpkins trying to escape their secluded youth. One slight difference though, students love it. Regarded as one of the top universities in the UK youβre sure to come out with an employment worthy degree, the cost of living wont completely break the bank, and most importantly the best nightclub in this overgrown village is run by the studentsβ union and pulls in awards year after year.
Positives
– Countless spots for ~lush~ gram opportunities in and around campus
– You could finish up lectures and pop straight into the studentsβ union nightlife precinct for hydration
– Subsidised public transport runs you straight from the campus pub into the city or back
– Blackpool is just down the road so youβll never need reality TV again
Negatives
– They refer to student reps as βofficersβ
– Itβs in England
3. Oxford, Cambridge,
and the rest of those Ivy league equivalent fucks
Obviously these big dogs had to make the cut – despite how unattainable their entry requirements are for anyone enrolled in Waikato. Thereβs no research needed here, obviously their studentsβ union will be kitted out, all of their exclusive societies are sponsored by humongous corporate firms, and youβre almost guaranteed to end up earning more money than you can handle even with a degree as pointless as political science.
Positives
– Think about how ridiculous βCambridge Universityβ would look on your Tinder profile
– Your parents would finally be proud
of you
– Youβd probably end up writing a New York Times Best Seller in your late 20s once youβve surpassed the corporate ladder about the trials and tribulations of how hard you worked to overcome being a big brain rich kid
Negatives
– Youβd need to take out a mortgage each semester in order to survive
– Thereβs really no other negatives, just look at the fucking photos
2. Queenβs University
YEOOOO whatβs the craic?? Arguably one of the most sub par universities in the UK, this Belfast based beauty is sure to leave you as a hardened shell of your former self. What they lack in a functioning studentsβ union they compensate with one of the grimiest and most feral student suburbs in the northern hemisphere. Referred to as the βHolylandsβ, this appalling excuse for student housing would make even the most dedicated breathers shudder. Putting all this aside, the campus is handy, picturesque, and is located in one of the cheapest and most underrated cities in the UK.
Positives
– Youβll constantly have enough money
to get bent out of shape
– Their studentsβ union building is currently a damp pile of rubble but is destined to become a top tier spot for regretful nights
– St Patrickβs Day is completely out
the gate
– Your immune system would become unstoppable after 6 months of student accommodation
Negatives
– Public transport is moderately atrocious
– You donβt get to wear a fancy cap at graduation and nobody knows why
– You might need a translator to understand the locals
1. Loughborough University
Crowned as the 2020 βUniversity of the Yearβ, Loughborough takes the cake with itβs student first approach. I wish I could take the piss, but aside from being located in the midlands thereβs really no downside. During a brief flick through their studentβs union website I found myself mesmerized, fantasising of what life couldβve been like if Iβd gone to a university packed with opportunities, active societies, and a Freshers week with more than one thing worth attending. You name it, theyβve got it: flexible retail spaces, enterprise funds, 19 halls of residence packed with culture and rivalries, stations to get proper LinkedIn photos taken, industry professionals to help with anything and everything, and even a nursery if youβre studying while raising a young buck. Iβm sure thereβs bound to be a thriving campus bar and all kinds of wild nightlife to top it all off, but does any of that matter when your university is already providing a fulfilling experience?
Positives:
– Youβre getting the best student experience possible without the cost and stigma of Ivy League equivalents
– I may have never heard of Loughborough before this, but Iβve also never heard anyone complain about it
Negatives:
– Itβs in England
– To put the LSU songs as a negative simply does not do them justice.