Aries: Supporting Taylor Swift at your grown age is a horrible choice. Please get a hobby or something instead.
Cancer: I know you’re the asshole who overstays their welcome at the pub. Please leave so the poor staff can close.
Aquarius: Picking a gross vape flavour will not help you quit. You’ll just end up enjoying it instead of being put off.
Sagitarius: College hall is grubby, and everyone is right for bullying you. Please move into a flat.
Gemini: Go home, and get your mother to teach you how to cook a real meal. Toast and noodles are not real food.
Leo: That criminology paper is a complete waste of your time, but that’s ok because it’s fun.
Virgo: You will pass the critical thought component of the CUP paper. I believe in you <3.
Libra: Genuinely how the fuck do you not have your full license yet? Please lock in and sort yourself out.
Scorpio: Academic validation will not bring you joy. Try accepting love from your family and friends instead.
Pisces: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but your celebrity crush does not know you exist. Like at all.
Capricorn: The niche music you like is only niche because it’s bad. There, I said it.
Taurus: Saving money isn’t hard when you don’t piss it up against the wall every payday. Try it sometime, you’ll be surprised.
