Aries: Yes, watching a horrific Netflix documentary before bed will help you sleep tonight.
Cancer: That guy off Tinder does not give a fuck about you. Please let it go, queen.
Aquarius: Your Letterboxd profile is cool, and funny. And your top four are awesome too.
Sagitarius: I love your Doc Marten’s too, but no club is going to let you in if you wear them to town.
Gemini: That long commute would be so much easier and more fun if you listened to our cool podcast
Leo: The five-minute toilet breaks you take to vape at work are getting ridiculous. Just stop. You can wait.
Virgo: 9 hours a day on your phone is perfectly reasonable. You earned it by playing outside and reading as a child.
Libra: Stuck on what to have for dinner? Forget doordash, try one of our cheap and only slightly shitty recipes instead.
Scorpio: The volume you have your headphones at is terrible. Your hearing is getting damaged more by the day.
Pisces: Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the family dog really does miss you. Go and visit them.
Capricorn: Spending your living cost money on Lego and alcohol is not at all irresponsible.
Taurus: Abandoning your best friend for your new boyfriend is shitty behaviour. Get your priorities straight.
