Aries – Stop procrastinating, embrace your 15 deadlines and get shit done.
Taurus – Happy Birthday, also calm down, invest in a journal.
Gemini – They’re not looking at you; they don’t want you; stop being a pick me.
Cancer – It’s time to become less insufferable. It’s time for you to shine, I feel big things and more friends coming your way.
Leo – Spice up your life with adventure. And be more onto it with urgency; there’s fire in your soul for a reason.
Virgo – Stop going shopping; retail therapy only works if it’s once a month, not twice a week.
Libra – They are looking at you; they do want you; go get yourself a bae.
Scorpio – You’re to-do list is growing, but don’t fret, you will get shit done. You can do this, it’s going to be okay
Sagittarius – Take this as your sign to ask someone on a date, its yearning season baby.
Capricorn – Don’t leave the house. You’re right, it’s perfect in the comfort of your own home, don’t test that.
Aquarius – Go to town, I feel you need a good boogie. Just don’t make out with anyone.
Pisces – Get a new job, I know you crave money, so bitch: go get some.
