SAVE THE PLANET? LET’S FUCK UP SPACE INSTEAD!

Guest WriterNews18 hours ago11 Views

Ok, technically not the view of anyone not wearing a Maga hat or owning Twitter but it isn’t far off, at least according to Dr Anna Marie Brennan, a senior lecturer at the Faculty of Law. 

 In an interview with the University of Waikato Dr Brenan (pictured) said private companies are rapidly turning asteroid mining into a commercial reality. Firms such as AstroForge and Karman+ are already developing the technology to extract rare metals from outer space. 

Dr Brenan was making the case for better international regulation of space, stating, “We need coordinated international rules now – before large-scale mining begins – to ensure space development is sustainable and benefits humanity as a whole.” 

We aren’t telling the University how to conduct an interview, but there wasn’t a single mention of Starfield, Firefly, Jedi Survivor, Titan A.E, Red Dwarf or any of the other cultural touch points that have fascinated generations about mining resources in space. Come on, guys.  

The environmental impact could be significant, particularly because asteroids contain a range of rare minerals that power today’s devices. But the concerns of mining extend far beyond convincing Morgan Freeman to run for President or answering Armageddon’s age-old question of why it is easier to make Bruce Willis an Astronaut than teach an astronaut how to drill a hole. According to Dr Brenan, the environmental damage could still create issues. 

“Mining missions could create space debris that disrupts satellites and GPS, interferes with astronomy, or damages sites of scientific and cultural value. Clear regulation is crucial for safety and fairness” 

For what it is worth, Dr Brenan isn’t wrong. We have been told Space is the Final Frontier, we just didn’t assume it would involve mining, and if it did, then it would also involve Zendaya and space harvesters. 

We tried to reach out to the Greens for comment, but then changed our minds and just assumed the blanket mining ban still stands. We then thought about reaching out to ACT, but we didn’t want to give him the idea of sending women, kids, and the disabled down the space mines. It is, after all, what Margaret Thatcher would have wanted.

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