Welcome to the ultimate tattoo placement pain guide where Ruby Tocker and Lans McGall professionally and seriously rate (most) body placements for tattoos. Below is a detailed map accompanied by very formal blurbs about each spot.

Sternum: ouch ouch ouch ouch OUCHY

You’re gonna want to rip the tattoo machine from your artist’s hands and stab them in the eyeball with it. This one fucking sucks.

Inner Bicep: ouch ouch ouchy

Imagine someone’s scratching your sunburn. Really hard. For a really long time.

Ribs: ouch ouch ouch ouch OUCHY

Like stomach, sternum, and underboob on crack. If you sat through a rib tattoo longer than 30 minutes you are braver than anyone else I know.

Wrist: ouchy

This is the perfect location for your birth flower, or zodiac sign, or your uncle’s funeral song lyrics. If you couldn’t tell: it’s the tattoo placement of choice for white girls across the globe.

Toe: ouch ouchy

Maybe it’s because I tattooed myself but I swear I felt it in my bones. Other than that she’s chill.

Collarbone: ouchy

Extreme vibration, a lot of pressure, no real pain though.

Stomach: ouch ouch OUCHY

Good luck breathing, you’re gonna need it. You will feel ALL of your organs but just extreme discomfort rather than actual pain.

Underboob: ouch ouch ouch OUCHY

An underboob tattoo is so pretty; such a shame it’s so painful.

Inner Forearm: ouchy

If you’re getting your first tattoo or you’re adverse to pain, this is an excellent spot to consider. Unless you’re Draco Malfoy—that shit messes you up, man.

Finger: ouchy

Mega swag for very little pain. FINGER TATS FOREVER.

Shin: ouch ouch ouch ouchy

GOD. No I mean I swear I almost saw Him, because I thought I was going to pass away.

Foot: ouchy

I honestly can’t really remember, very bone-y but not very painful.

Shoulder: ouch ouch ouchy

LIKE TINY KNIVES STABBING YOU (I suppose that’s what a tattoo is). The back of the shoulder is definitely the most painful part of this placement. This placement was the only time I asked for a break.

Outer Bicep: ouchy

I almost fell asleep to the relaxing sounds of three middle-aged men yapping about a serial killer in my ear. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Outer Forearm: ouch ouchy

The only time I’ve ever passed out after getting a tattoo. Not because of the pain though; my diet that day consisted of only coffee and pineapple-flavoured air.

Hand: ouchy

Light work, no reaction. Genuinely one of the least painful tattoos I have. The only issue is feeling your veins move… gross.

Calf: ouch ouchy

A little bit more than an ouchy but tolerable. Mainly just uncomfortable jiggling (unless you have skinny calves ig).

Back of the neck: ouch ouchy

Stung like a mother fucker but didn’t hurt per se.

Back: ouch ouch ouch ouchy

Depending on where and how long will range from one ouchy to five ouchy but for the most part four ouchies. Sides and lower back are worse. If it’s middle/spine area you should be good.

Elbow: ouch ouch ouchy

You’ll feel this tattoo in your left buttcheek. Don’t ask me why. Nerves are weird.

Thigh: ouch ouchy

I got my first tattoo here and I’d absolutely recommend this spot. Unless you have restless leg syndrome… Then this placement is not for you.

Ankle: ouch ouch ouchy

A big tattoo here would take out a small horse. A little one’s pretty palatable for a human though.