It’s a general understanding that people who ski and people who snowboard aren’t the best of friends, but given the choice of trying out the board my uncle didn’t want anymore, I couldn’t help but want to give it a go. Spoiler alert, the bruises all over my knees and butt are still hanging around a deep shade of purple even long after. For anyone wanting to learn to snowboard, I’d recommend strapping a pillow to yourself because as soft as snow is, it pretty much turns to concrete when you windmill over backwards cartoon style.
I did learn the basics though, so here’s your crash course in snowboarding:

  • Dig that board into the snow like the fucker owes you money, or you will wish your ass had never existed and felt such pain
  • Wear proper waterproof gloves, because let me tell you, ski gloves • did not do anything against breaking fall after fall and getting soaked
  • Treat the board like a very slippery ripstik
  • Pray

At the end of my session trying boarding, I concluded that I was very, very sore in a lot of places. However, I will grudgingly admit that I now understand the reasons that snowboarders do the things that had previously irritated us skiers. Sitting down in the middle of the track is annoying, and unfortunately I get why, but as a skier, I still have to state that snowboarders are still annoying. It’s part of my agreement as someone who slides down a mountain on two separate sticks instead of one.

Will I try it again? Absolutely, which was an answer that prompted my sister (an avid skier) to tell me that I was disowned. I’ve officially crossed over to the dark side, which wasn’t ever something I’d planned to do, but unfortunately now I’ll have to stick with it. Maybe boarding isn’t so bad after all.