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Horoscopes – Issue 13

AQUARIUS JAN 20 – FEB 18 

Winter brings change: Change in outlook, change in mental health, and change in temperature. But on the bright side neither Bill Cosby nor David Bain are in prison anymore so we can all go back to wearing sweaters. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

PISCES FEB 19 – MAR 20 

It’s time to refocus on finding love in your life. You deserve to find someone who looks at you the way Iggy Azalea looks at fake tan. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople 

ARIES MAR 21 – APR 19 

A change in season means it’s time to reevaluate coming to class each day with vodka in a pump bottle. It’s now cold enough to get hard liquor poured straight into your hot chocolate. Unless you are from Orchard Park where it might be cold enough to start microwaving your red Powerade. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

TAURUS APR 20 – MAY 20 

With the first frost comes unexpected changes in people too. For instance your flatmate with the hygiene problems has stopped bringing out all the used plates from their room once a week. They are now bringing out six half drunk bowls of soup and noodles. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

GEMINI MAY 21 – JUN 20

Jupiter and Pluto are aligned. With it comes betrayal, mistrust, and unexpected romance. Will it be true love for you? To find out, make sure you tune into this week’s episode of Too Hot to Handle: Solar System. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

CANCER JUN 21 – JUL 22 

This week in moments of quiet reflection you should question the loneliness of existence, the march of time, and whether any experience is worth your investment. Or you could just decide, fuck it and go to Beerfest instead. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

LEO JUL 23 – AUG 22

This will be the trimester where it all clicks together for you. Where you finally stop seeing university as a pointless waste of time and questioning whether you want to continue. Unless of course the designer hasn’t placed this under Sagittarius, if this isn’t you then…  #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

VIRGO AUG 23 – SEP 22 

This horoscope entitles the bearer to one free day of not contributing to a group assignment upon proof of ID and astrological sign. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

LIBRA SEP 23 – OCT 22 

Venus, the God of Love has you questioning your fashion choices. It might be time to refresh and find that outfit that is uniquely you. THIS HOROSCOPE IS IN NO WAY SPONSORED BY REWIND ON CAMPUS.  #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

SCORPIO OCT 23 – NOV 21 

It’s time you got over the problems that plagued you in A Trimester. Look for context clues and realise that NO ONE has it as bad as the ducks on campus! They have to swim in a frozen ass lake that is filled with whatever toxic pollution the science department keeps dumping in there, and do they complain? Fuck no. Be more like a campus duck.  #Kotetangata #Ducksarepeopletoo

SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 – DEC 21 

Mars brings anger into your orbit this week. Embrace it. It’s a thin line between anger and passion and those who learn to harness both are destined for greatness. Those who give into their impulses for chaos and destruction are destined to become DJ’s at Back Bar. Either way it’s kind of a win-win. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople

CAPRICORN DEC 22 – JAN 19 

The astrological charts have resulted in absolutely nothing. In fact nothing good or bad is happening this week. You could just go and do something for yourself instead of waiting for a fake goat to tell you but if you had that sort of drive you wouldn’t be at the 7th best university in the country. #Kotetangata #Forthepeople
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