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Reviews – Issue 12

The Fosters

Jak Rāta

0

The Fosters is a television show about a lesbian couple that have a bunch of kids, and their surname is Foster. So, like, do you get the joke? Obviously the show is more than that but I seem to get caught up on this tidbit a little too much.

 

I’ve been in the process of rewatching this show for the first time since my initial viewing, and I have some things to say. While I think it’s revolutionary and I can’t help but associate my later formative teen years with it; this shit is a little cringe. 

 

I mean, you’re hit with incestual-esque moments in the first season. The first season?! Halfway through and the two main characters (adopted siblings) are sucking faces and taking names. Although not blood related – what the fuck guys. And then some trials about Callie, one of the two siblings getting down, not having her voice be heard in a rape trial against a previous foster brother. It’s a lot, I know, but this is still season one. I’m sorry tīma but this shit doesn’t get easier throughout. Settle in for a crazy ride.

 

Don’t get me wrong, Lena and Stef are fabulous representations of queer parents absolutely doing that shit. But it’s also annoying seeing shitty writing and useless storylines ruining what could have been amazing. I will persist and continue forward, I wanna see some happy endings. Is that too much to ask for?

Vegas

Bronwyn Laundry

+5

 

A hyper-real, gangster drama with a stellar cast, the pilot episode of Vegas begins at boiling point with a two million dollar meth deal gone wrong. The scene is set across the stunning backdrop of geothermal Rotorua; in fictional Waitoki ‘the town where things get steamy’. Ruling gang Te Toki is about to make its final meth sale enabling them to buy back ancestral land and cut the crack. Chaos ensues. Chaos in the form of an armed robbery at the very pub where the sale is about to take place. Steamy, indeed.

 

Every minute of the show is a visual feast; the hyper-real world the residents of Waitoki live in allow for a number of masterful stylistic decisions. Costume choices define each character within their first frame. Excessive use of smoke machines and green lighting leave the audience in a suspended dreamlike reality. Traditional Māori instruments give the score a constantly eerie feeling. The script borders on prophetic and perhaps a little too metaphorical, but it all works, tied in with strong direction and powerful performances. 

 

Things Seen and Heard

Bronwyn Laundry

-3 

 

We’ve all heard this premise before – a young family move to an isolated Eastern US town; the wife is reluctant but husband has been struggling and needs a fresh start; they buy a beautiful but (haunted) house for dirt cheap; weird shit starts happening; husband dismisses wife as paranoid; kid or dog nearly dies; more weird shit happens; is it the husband or is it a gh0o0o0ost? 

 

Now don’t get me wrong, a methodical plot line doesn’t always equal bad. I love rom-coms more than anyone and they are the most typical shit around, but this movie isn’t even a good take on the genre. Aside from the fun 80s costumes and a beautiful setting it quite frankly bored the fuck out of me. 

 

The Good Place – Season One

Kendrah Worsley

+3

I can be a pretty rubbish person from time to time. I’ve lied and littered. I’ve even pinched a couple of lollies from the pick and mix in my youth. And these are the mildest of my sins, so when I die, I probably belong in The Bad Place. 

The Good Place is exactly what it sounds like and in this Netflix series, Kristen Bell plays the self-absorbed Eleanor, who dies and ends up here by accident. Having done nothing decent in her life, she spends the remainder of the first season trying to keep this a secret. And with the help of her new friends, she devotes her time in the afterlife to becoming a better person and “earning” her spot in the Good Place. 

I know, the entire plot seems corny to say the least but one episode just wasn’t enough for me and with plot twist after plot twist, season one surprised me and for that it gets +3.

 

Grey’s Anatomy  

Eilidh Huggan

0

I won’t go all out and say that Grey’s Anatomy is the worst show in the entire world, especially since it has just been renewed for an 18th (yup, that’s right) season. I just want to know why anyone would waste their time? Have we not seen enough of medically incorrect television exhausting the list of possible deaths that can be soundtracked to The Fray’s ‘How to Save a Life’?

 

I will also say that there are plenty of other (better) hospital dramas to watch. Have you ever seen Hugh Laurie in House? Bloody brilliant! 

 

I will give Grey’s the kudos for clearly mastering the ability to deploy weapons of mass audience manipulation, and hence why I have not given it a review in the negatives. I will just issue you a warning not to waste your time. You’d be better off watching the construction workers through the Library windows, because then maybe you’ll actually learn something. 

 

SINGLE SENTENCE REVIEWS

 

Wilkinson at Hastings Showgrounds, May 22nd

+3

Hawkes Bay fuckin’ aye.

 

Army of the Dead

1

Earnt points for the zombie tiger. Lost points for the average as fuck ending.

 

Griffin’s Licorice Toffee Pops

-5

Spawn of satan.

 

Blood Moon @ Sky, May 26th

+4

Do I charge my crystal during a blood moon to get a cool one like the Sith have?