University Elevator Broken, Students Accidentally Get Fit – Issue 12
On Thursday between the hours of 1:00 and 2:00pm the Student Centre elevator was out of order. This elevator is typically used by students and professors and lifts passengers from the ground floor to the second, avoiding the 34 steps in the process. Without the elevator, this meant students were forced to take the stairs and accidentally get fit. This wasn’t the only issue – the elevator is also used for accessibility purposes. Not only did students unwillingly get fit but accessibility services were hindered also.
Queues quickly formed in front of the Student Centres elevator doors as hundreds of students (slowly) walked up the stairs. Relic of a low-budget zombie movie, students were amiss for the rest of the afternoon.
With the elevator broken, staff fell victim to tardiness. Dr. Kirstine Moffat arrived late for her ENGLI301 presentation. Mature management students missed the first 10 minutes of their compulsory MNMGT581 tutorial, with one commenting “Goodness, I haven’t moved like that since 1989!”
No one could explain why the elevator was broken and how long it would be out of service for. While investigating, we interviewed a campus security guard who wished to remain anonymous, who said, “A group of five males are to blame. I see them every morning and afternoon, they are like a pack of dogs. I think one of them goes by the name of Hamish Darn but I can’t recall.”
The university still hasn’t cleaned our ponds and now our elevators are breaking and students are unknowingly exercising. Since last week’s publication Vice Chancellor Neil Quigley is yet to take up the role as head groundskeeper. Something must be done.
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