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Slightly Stoned Chef – Issue 8

Slightly Stoned Chef makes its triumphant return to Nexus. Each week we will be giving you an easy to follow recipe for those times when you just need something quick and easy (Copyright College Hall). This won’t be the place for your Nan’s Crème Brûlée but if you need to up your noodle game or impress your girlfriend, we have you covered. These aren’t exclusively 3am recipes. Some of them are for when you decide to wake and want to bake. But since this is the first one we thought we would highlight the difference between being slightly stoned (or drunk) and too stoned to cook using the classic Kiwi Scone.



4 cups self raising flour

300ml cream

¼ cup white sugar

300ml lemonade 

½ tsp salt



Preheat oven to 220°C. Cover an oven tray with a sheet of baking paper or spray well with non-stick baking spray. 

Mix all ingredients in a bowl to form a smooth dough. 


Tip out onto a floured bench and form into a ’round’. 


Carefully lift and place onto the baking tray and cut into wedges (leave with sides touching – scones will pull apart after baking). 


Alternatively, use a cookie cutter or knife to cut into rounds or squares.  


Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes until golden. Check they are cooked through.


cool on a wire rack, covered with a clean tea towel (this keeps the scones soft).


Cut in half and spread with butter, jam and whipped cream whilst still warm.



Spend 15 minutes trying to figure out if it is sc-on or sco-ne, by saying it at various speeds till the words lose all meaning.


Realise scone is the easiest anagram for cones, then see if you remember where you left your cone.


Remember that in America they call scones, biscuts. Think about ditching the scone idea and just having biscuts. 


Come to the conclusion you don’t have biscuts but wonder if the only reason we call them biscuts, is because we cut them into shapes. Which makes you think if we just cooked one large one and left it, is it just a Bis?


Ask Google that before realising you were misspelling biscuits this whole time. 


Google scones and biscuits. Realise Texas Chicken on Five Cross Roads does Honey Butter Buns.


Uber Eats them and BurgerFuel. 


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Editorial – Issue 8