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Darts & Crafts – Issue 8

For most of us tinfoil hats are simply a part of a slutty astronaut costume or for wrapping weed. But for some, these hats are an invaluable accessory used to prevent the government from scanning their brainwaves and to protect them from mind-reading, red-powerade-drinking robots. For whatever purpose, we’ve got you covered.



Roll of tinfoil

Sellotape (optional)

Soft tape measure

A head



  1. Measure your head using a soft tape measure, measuring from the middle of your forehead to the base of your skull.
  2. Using clean, premium-brand foil (known for blocking out 5G waves most effectively), measure and cut double the length from your forehead to skull, plus four inches. 
  3. Fold the foil in half, with the shiny side facing out
  4. Place the sheet of foil over your head and scrunch it down to follow the shape of your skull.
  5. If any exposed scalp remains, attach additional pieces of foil to cover and adhere using sellotape.
  6. Don your hat.

Wear your new hat at any time or place to screen your thoughts from extraterrestrial-alien, governmental, or other types of surveillance. For maximum protection, wrap foil around not just the head, but the entire face and skull.