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Are You Not Entertained? – Issue 20

The University is a great place for all to come and study, walk around and then head home before everything shuts down mid afternoon while the sun is still shining. We’re always talking about “activating space” around here so let’s do it. There have already been some crazy initiatives, like a static ping pong table with bats and balls that you need to source, but let’s think bigger! Here’s what we can do to bring Waikato to life / along with some of my favourite activities that could be more accessible.

The pool is cool…

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently. And as I walked past the pool complex the other day and I stared into the empty, blue pit. It just lay there, waiting for some fun, yearning for summer so it can find some joy in its life again. Then it dawned on me, I was staring at this pool because I wanted to make sense of it all, I was trying to find a reflection of me.

Except there was no fucking reflection because there’s no damn water in it. 

Pools are great! But they’re about as useful as a first year taking their wallet to town  – they’ll use it for a little while then it disappears again for an eternity. But just like a first year trying to drink in town, the pool area at Uni has huge potential. We need something that we can use all year around! 

If you’re from up north then you’ll know that getting to go to Waiwera hot pools was the epitome of fun. The main drawcard was the movie pool that was a heated pool and it would play Space Jam on repeat. 

Now our pool is going through a bigger dry spell than an Engineering major, so to heat things up, let’s literally heat things up. By adding some warmth to the water that isn’t just piss; it would allow us to go for a dip anytime of the year. Chuck a movie screen up on the side of the pool and when the sun goes down, you’ve got yourself the perfect spot to relax or a romantic new setting for halls’ kids that isn’t The Outback. I even heard they’re remaking Space Jam. 

I’m going to suggest some pretty stupid stuff but I actually think this one is simple and effective. Not only can we bring it to life in winter but let’s summer even better too. Let’s put some barbecues around the perimeter of the pool, some decent tables and chairs and some gazebos. Not only would students actually have something to do on campus after 4.30pm, but Quigs makes a couple extra bucks as well. You’re welcome, Waikato.

Billy’s or Stacey’s ?

Uni is weird. There’s a strange mix of peppy 18 year and old people. But those seasoned students you see walking around campus have been through the ringer and are filled with wisdom that 

you need to tap into. As one of the people in that old category, I too have some sage advice I need to pass on: always start your night off in town at Billy’s Karaoke Bar. 

Although my reasoning to go there is for the $3.50 shots (if you didn’t know this then you’re welcome), but really it’s all a big cover for me wanting to go and absolutely nail a drunken rendition of ‘Stand By Me’. But the downside is that you actually have to Uber your way into town and we all know how much students hate paying for the ride. So imagine if we had that on campus? 

I propose a karaoke lounge filled with booths, screens on the walls, a dance floor for when people that can actually sing have a turn, and a book with songs that you wouldn’t only find exclusively in the RSA; I mean would it kill you to brown it up and chuck in a Māori song, or anything from the Mai FM hot 900? And I’m sure Stacey even has a stash of hard liquor behind that coffee machine, so sourcing some shots wouldn’t be difficult, we’d just have to make sure they‘re cheap, so probably not made by Kahurangi.

I once went to a bar where people could get up and perform live acts. If they were terrible you could run up and hit a big gong and boo them off the stage. It was so cut-throat, I loved it. And too many times when you go into a karaoke room, you’re bound to be struck with the noise of someone thinking that they’re singing like Beyoncé but end up sounding like a screaming goat. Nobody wants to listen to these people, so I say let’s bring back the gong! Sometimes not enough people have been gonged in their life and that’s why they feel like they should get up and sing. Let’s bring those people back down to earth, while having fun.

Timezone after dark

If you’re on Instagram at the moment, you’re bound to have seen at least one of your mates posing in front of that Simpson’s couch, while looking plastered and playing mini golf. And I’m not going to lie, I’m jealous because I haven’t been. I’m not sure who the genius is that has taken simple activities often ruined by children’s high pitch screams, and replaced them with a fully functioning bar, but to them I say kudos. Sorry Dr. Ashley, he’s my hero.

We started things off pretty nicely with an Esports arena, but let’s turn it up a notch on the cool scale and put in a whole Entertainment complex that features:

– A fully functioning arcade with all the games you love, and decent ones that actually give you tickets. And rather than a counter that you have to spend a million tickets on to buy a cheap, piece of crap yoyo, people can trade in for kai, shots or Jägerbombs.

– A mini golf course that has decent obstacles and not just a brick sitting in the middle of the course. Many a WSU employee have tried to pull off creating the best mini golf course extravaganza 2.0, but have failed miserably. But I say save the homemade tunnels, save the inconvenient corners and bring me a watermill and a giant clown face. 

Now I hear what you’re saying, but how can we have a gaming room without some of the best games of all? Well I got you too! Rather than making you walk over to H-Block and sit in a room full of sad-sacks that talk to themselves, this new Entertainment Complex will have it’s very own Pokies room. Now I’m not encouraging you to go and gamble all your money (because students have made such good decisions with their funds in the past), but I’m sure there’s a few scholarship kids out there with a bit too much money lying around, so why not triple it. *Always gamble responsibly*.