She’s a 22 year old girl who has a cute rescue puppy, and is keen to meet new people and explore new places. He’s easily Hamilton’s most eligible bachelor, with a track record of 4 unsuccessful attempts at finding love on a blind date. By the way, he actually hit us up to go on it, sounding more desperate than ever.
I felt like a 2011 Stephen “Beaver” Donald, getting the infamous call up late in the piece to carry the team home. My 4th blind date I felt like a true veteran out there and Nexus must be scraping the bottom of the barrel when they matched two people that don’t even go to uni anymore together, who would’ve thought with the admin of a washed up shit posting page as editor the magazine goes downhill?
Anyway, to the date. She was lovely, talkative and wasn’t shy of a drink or two so we got along like a house on fire. She did talk about how she was very emotionally intelligent which I’ll be honest, confused and frightened me a bit but we got past that in the end. We chipped away at the bar tab quickly and found our way back to my place after a lovely Algerian Uber driver dropped us off. It wasn’t long until the 2 inch punisher was unleashed and boy did he put in a shift. She probably didn’t enjoy it but the little fella had the time of his life. She did lack empathy though when half way through the deed I started cramping in my calf and she didn’t even seem to notice or offer to stretch it out for me.
Overall, great little Tuesday night and sorry Jacinda because social distancing did not take place.
Being out of the dating game for so long meant that I jumped at the opportunity to go on a blind date when my mate tagged me in the Nexus Mag story on Instagram. With no idea how it works, I promptly signed myself up. I was thrilled to find out that the blind date comes with a bar tab. This absolutely sealed the deal. Once I finished work, I rushed home to start getting ready. I showered, grabbed a bunch of clothes and a bottle of wine and then drove to my friends flat to get ready. I turned up there at 6:30pm with wet hair, no makeup, no clue what to wear, and a couple of love bites from my two weekend lovers that need to be promptly covered. I hastily figured out what to wear, shoved some makeup on my face and covered my neck in foundation in a desperate attempt to not look like a hoe when I turned up to meet my date. I then needed to seek advice from my taken-friend about whether or not I am supposed to bring a condom – what even is dating these days? I wouldn’t have a clue. The answer was yes so in my bag they went. Safety first right?! I had a couple glasses of red wine like the classy gal I am and then downed a shot of tequila for some liquid courage, spilling a significant portion of it on my face. Maybe not so classy after all. With no time to check if my makeup was messed up, we rushed out the door and I miraculously managed to arrive only 5 minutes late to my 7pm date. Upon my arrival, my date was waiting at the table. My first impression: Not exactly my type however cute enough to go home with if the night takes that kind of turn. So then we drank and yarned for a good couple of hours. I couldn’t tell you what we yarned about but I do recall having a good laugh and trying various items on the menu. Once all of the bar tab had been spent, he asks me the golden question: “want to go back to mine and watch a movie or something?”. We both knew there was no intention of watching any movies. Back at his place, I rode that boy like a pony and then as the great Missy Elliot says – “I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it”. The end.