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Diminutive Post – Issue 13

David Bennett sighting

A local student spotted a wild David Bennett in the wee hours of the morning in the Village Green last Thursday. “I was just walking along and minding my own business on my way back to College Hall when I heard this whisper. This voice in the distance seemed to carry on the wind and work it’s way right into my ear” states Mike, a 19 year old marketing student. “It said “Hey there would you like a free pen?” Naturally I assumed it was David Bennett and ran for the hills”. This isn’t the first sighting of David Bennett on the uni campus. Last year he gave out around 450,000 pens to dusty, disorganised students. Legend has it that David spends the winter months under the uni lakes and is forced to make pens in an underground sweatshop run by Judith Collins. Only when John Key pulls another ponytail will he gain his freedom.

“Never let the party die” third years are letting the party die 

In the wake of Re O’week lies disheartened third years who, despite their previous claims of never wanting to let the party die, have done just that at the start of trimester B. Students who, just a year ago, lived everyday like it was their last, are now organising themselves and being adults. “Yeah I just got tired this year, the hangovers have a bit more bite to them, plus I really wanted to get a head start on my accounting paper” says Mike, a 21 year old Hamilton student who last year was arrested for public indecency. This trend comes as now surprise and follows a long history of people growing up and developing some maturity. Third years nation-wide are looking enviously at the new batch of naive crop of freshers with the same flawed ideology. Sadly, their time will come.