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8 Athletes Who Deserve The Last Dance Treatment – Issue 10

The quarantine will be remembered for two Netflix series. Both had inbuilt audiences, both had charismatic leading men, both also had the media alleging some weird assassination plot. However, given this is a sports piece we can’t really write on Tiger King because everyone knows the only acceptable answer is Mike Tyson. Instead here are some athletes that could be given the Jordan / Last Dance treatment.


Drugs. Match-fixing, not living up to his father’s expectations. This is either the greatest sporting tale in New Zealand History or how Umbers spent his lockdown.


A lightening road during the Women’s world cup. An anti-trump, LGBT advocate who became a little bigger than the game even though she was immensely talented.  Wonder what her teammates thought.


Doing a documentary on Schumacher would be weird and anyone who would criticise him would be a monster, so we chose the self-proclaimed second-best driver in the world.


Bird was the prototype for MJ. The Trash talking alone is the stuff of legend. Besides everyone loves a prequel.


Leaving one country to start playing for another nation. The story would ALMOST make listening to a bunch of South African accents worth it.


Sitting out his ARL contract with the Sea Eagles to move to to the Warriors, alleged wife swapping, falling in love on treasure Island and having a relationship with the third most memorable part of True Bliss. It would be honest.


The one thing missing from the Last Dance was a protagonist who was a complete fucking moron. John Terry isn’t Football’s Jordan but he is a guy that fucked his teammates’ wife and got stripped up just to hold a trophy in a game he didn’t even play in.


Another entry falling into the “opposite” of last dance. Eliza McCartney is a national treasure and pretty well-liked. Imagine how captivating it is going to be if we learn she has a dark side. It’s like punching a unicorn.