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Furniture Sales Ahead of Sesh

There’s been a massive surge in the number of furniture sales around the country this week ahead of what is predicted to be “the sesh of all sesh’s”. Stores such as K-mart, Big Save and the Warehouse are all lowering prices on these items wherever they can.The consensus on why such low prices were occurring around the country was clear. Nexus spoke with Ray, a long time manager/owner of a Harvey Norman franchise and a keen businessman. “Look these godless uni students want furniture to break when they get rowdy and by god if I’m not the one profiting off it you can bet your ass the Warehouse down the road will be” says Ray. “I had one absolute nonce come in and ask for 2 ottomans, a recliner, a TV and an outdoor table. I don’t think they’ll live to see the morning light if I’m honest”. With record profits to be made, competition among stores is high. K-mart has placed a buy one get a free sledgehammer deal with it’s ceramic pots. There is going to be some serious pain brought to these random objects. 

Student Excited to be “Back on the Horse Again”

Local third year commerce student Sam recently spoke to Nexus about being allowed to piss up with the boys again. He said he was stoked to have his one personality trait back after the Government swiped it away from him. “Fuck I’m kinda sad about not getting to do noms anymore aye, did them like 3 times a week in my parents garage aye hahah fuck it was so loose. Nah my parents only scolded me once for it aye they’re goodcunts”. Nexus didn’t know what to think of this, suggesting that Sam might have a drinking problem. To which he replied “haha do you know Blair? Blair Shco!! Hahah see you boys at Greensboro tonight, be there or be square aha big sesh”. Nexus did not attend this pissup. 

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Editorial – Issue 8