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Breather Briefing – Issue 9


The sesh. We’ve done it. Aunty Cindy has finally let the boys and I get fucking twisted again and I am so, so thankful for that. Seeing the boys again was one thing, but to get absolutely lazered and all round weird on top of that? Fuck yeah, it’s been an absolute treat. However, I did not miss the dusty Sundays where my flatmates and myself just sit around in the lounge all depressed, not conversing with each other until we go to bed early because we’re so wrecked. Part of my routine is coming back, and I’m fucking stoked to say the least. Cheers boys and girls. 

Drink of the Week – Woody’s 

Woodstock – Bourbon and Cola. If four wheel driving, taking home a 3/10 and climate denial was canned, this would be the result. Woodstock seemed to just appear out of nowhere for me, like I’m fucking bewildered as to how this drink made a name for itself. The taste itself isn’t special, there’s no cult following similar to the likes of your Billy Mavs and it’s just a little bit too bogan. And yet, I find myself drawn to it on occasion, tempted by the unique night of carnage that’ll follow. It’s not the most amazing bourbon and cola out there, nor the most recognizable, but it’s always there for you, ready and waiting when you need it……kind of like Ben Smith. Anyways it’s an old brew with a normal taste and a fucking high work rate. Woodstock is this week’s drink of choice. 

Red Card Idea – Lets get Blasphemous 

Alrighty, let’s get blasphemous. This week’s red card involves early day drinking and assigned challenges. What’s not to love? We start the day by randomly assigning each attendee a god. That is their god for the day. What gods you choose are up to you. Each god entails a different challenge to be done while drinking. For this example I’ll use 5 people, 5 different gods. Jesus, Dionysus – god of wine, Artemis – god of the hunt, Poseidon – god of the sea and Aphrodite – god of love. As Jesus your job is to pass out, resurrect yourself and make town. Dionysus must drink red wine for the entirety of the day with a minimum of two bottles. Artemis must try and catch a wild animal while they’re steamed by the end of the day. Poseidon must identify and jump into a duck pond. And finally, Aphrodite must attempt to fuck a fresher. With so many cultures around the world your god’s are essentially limitless, get creative with your challenges and have fun. Failure to complete your challenge makes you Vulcan, the god of fire, and you must attempt to drag a durry until you spew or burn a couch

Sesh Wars #9: Shit

The 2020 Waikato O’Week bender was a crook one I’ll tell you that. 5 straight days of getting into absolute states and disrespecting our bodies. I’m pretty sure I lost a few kgs throughout that week because our diet consisted entirely of piss and two minute noodles. I can tell you right now, those two things run an absolute number on your downstairs department as I unfortunately found out the hard way. This happened on probably day 3 of 5, and bear in mind, myself and a mate spent this time down from Auckland staying in some friends’ flat in Hamilton. It was an early start that day, we’d gone down to the piss store at around 11 am or so, and it was straight into it when we got back, despite us all being extremely dusty from last night. It was probably a very bad idea for me to start sinking as early as I did, but fuck it, o week isn’t for playing silly buggers. Seeing as I’d barely eaten in the last few days, I decided to make some noodles. So I’m in the kitchen right, piss in one hand, filling the kettle with the other, and that’s when it happens. It just slips out. And when I say slips, I mean it, because this shit was straight liquid. I fully stopped for a minute in disbelief wondering how I’ve managed to pull this one off. At this stage the boys are all in the lounge so I haven’t been exposed yet, so I stood there for a few minutes, shit in pants, contemplating if I try and sneak off to clean up, or if I tell them. I went for the safe option, and boosted to the bathroom with some fresh undies to inspect the damage, and there was damage, believe me. After rinsing off the undies and chucking them under the hosts bed, I delivered the news to the boys. Looking back on it, I’m bloody proud of it. You’ve never truly been on a bender unless you’ve shit yourself in the process.