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Top 10: Least Useful Items for the Apocalypse

Top 10

10. Tinder gold – The world is dark, there are no more freshers to seed on 🙁

9. A copy of Surf’s up – I hate to say it.

8. The current capitalist system – You’re poor? Cringe bro aha.

7. Pornhub premium – Long live the king.

6. A ticket to RnV 2020 – Fuck fuck fuck. Forget Gisborne, just give me the good times.

5. Your worryingly high debt – They’ll forget about it as soon as the first toilet paper fight starts.

4. A foreskin – I prefer the smooth, agile, sleek look, no extra weight to carry, ya dig?

3. Your minimalist tattoo – Nah they’re still shit now.

2. 5G cell towers – They’re the ones that caused this thing in the first place.

1. An arts degree – Yeah. About as useful as Magic Johnson’s blood donations.

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Editorial – Issue 8