Zoom pub quizzes, mum’s cooking, and existential dread
I’m a person wired for novelty. Can’t stand doing the same routine two days in a row. Barely cook the same meal twice. Change up the alcohol I drink every weekend (or within the night. Like, 5 times minimum). So quarantine-induced Groundhog Day isn’t going so well; I haven’t been this close to psychosis since December 30th, RnV.
I started iso with grand dreams of learning languages, instruments, building abs and solving the unknowns of quantum physics. Well, it turns out that a thicc uni workload mixed with significantly reduced motivation levels doesn’t combine so well to free up time for solving cosmic string theory.
Like anyone else, I’ve had ups (namely rediscovering the joys of mum’s cooking, Zoom pub quizzes with the crew, and of course, the shitness of it all producing a beautiful camaraderie manifesting as a fantastic, rapidly evolving blend of memes and shitposts) and downs. Even with the downs, there’s a bright side – I’m more grateful than ever for my family and friends, and my crying playlist is looking more stacked than ever.
Seriously though, the mental part is hard. My capacity to overthink has donated me plenty of mini hyperventilation episodes. A tendency towards feeling numb. A dash of existential dread. Stress headaches aplenty. I know friends struggling with much worse. I’ve definitely felt like taking a holiday from my own mind, but since that’s not really going to happen, instead I’ve been trying to make it a better place. Selecting thoughts like selecting clothes in the morning. Making sure to focus on all the good and not letting privilege cloud my judgment. Taking a break, going outside, reducing screen time – all that eye-rolling stuff that actually does really help.