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Blind Date – Issue 1


I knew I was in for a shit time when she made me wait a whole ten minutes past the agreed-upon time, despite the rules for the date clearly requesting both parties to be punctual. To make matters worse when she finally showed up I realised she was the ranga that my sifty mate had gone home with for cuddles a few weekends prior. Once the standard meet and greet chat was out of the way the conversation flowed pretty well and I actually found myself having a far better time than expected. She even told me I was the second-best blind date she’d ever been on (she’s had a few) which gave me the confidence I needed to try and convince her to come to town that night as The Outback is my preferred sifting ground to House. I’d had plans to go to a party after the date and after about two hours of ‘surely come to town tonight’ yarns and a realization that her mates were at the same party she relented. We made our way to the party after a quick stop at Countdown to purchase some wine and arrived just after 10. By this stage, I was substantially steamed and after we yarned with some mutual friends I got distracted by a mate who drew my attention elsewhere. This marked the end of the date as I didn’t see her again for the rest of the night. I’m fairly disappointed with this as we had been having a good time but by this stage, I was rolled and didn’t think too much of it. In hindsight, the only reason I can think of as to why I didn’t see her for the rest of the night is that my greasy mate mentioned previously had pulled a Houdini, convinced her that he was me and taken her home for cuddles round two despite him being a virgin. In summary, I would date again and hope to catch up with her in the near future.


I rocked up to House fashionably late to find my date downing a jug of Waikato because he thought he had been stood up.  Overall first impressions: looks like a fresher but a hot fresher (The kind that you wouldn’t completely hate yourself for getting with) – turns out he is actually a third year. The subpar chat turned into decent chat as his jug of Waikato got emptier. He spent a lot of the night trying to convince me to come to town and also referenced him and I going home together a few times and at one point referring to me as his girlfriend and saying that he wanted to meet my parents. He said I was really hot for a ranga – not sure why the ‘for a ranga’ part was needed but I’ll take the compliment. After chatting for a good few hours in House we decided to head to a party. So, I skulled back the rest of the wine that was in my glass, which he said was a turn on and then quickly took it back because it was sifty chat. We then got an uber to countdown to get a bottle of wine and then ubered to his flat to get his box of female beverages (tropical elephants). While walking from his flat to the party he decided to give me the heads up that the party was at his ex-girlfriend’s house. As soon as we got to the party he was off chatting to some other chicks and everyone I talked to at the party told me to steer clear of him for being a fuck boy, honestly didn’t really bother me but I decided to call it a night and got an uber home without him. I received a missed call on Facebook messenger from him at 2:30 am and the classic ‘Hey, kinda lost you at the party, u still awake?’. Even though he called me an uncultured swine for drinking wine instead of Waikato, it was probably the second-best blind date I have been on.