My boyfriend and I were having sex the other day and when we finished we noticed that my period started. I didn’t think much of it but my boyfriend was completely grossed out and yelled that I should have told him that I was due. Is having sex on your period bad? Should I be grossed out? Help!
Dear Not sure,
I’m so glad that you’re not sure- it means you’re already fighting against the ‘vaginas are icky’ mentality the media pumps into us from a young age. But it sounds like your lad is very much still in the uncomfortable hideaway stage- so see if you can help him understand that your vagina is not gross or dirty. Especially when you’re bleeding.
I spent some of my younger years embarrassed: hiding my pads and tampons and being told that my period was something ‘private’ (a.k.a gross and dirty) that shouldn’t be talked about. But then I turned into the girl who enjoyed getting out of swimming on cold mornings by fixing my male PE teacher with a direct stare, telling him as loudly as I could I was on my period and watching him (and a significant proportion of my class) squirm. It’s just getting worse as I get older- last weekend I wore a pair of underwear that I’d painted the word ‘cunt’ on and filled with red glitter. I spent an evening throwing it at people, and they loved it.
But I digress. I say we should talk about periods, touch periods and fuck periods. Lots of women find they’re horny during their period because of all the extra hormones- it’s normal. What’s not normal is that people think sex while menstruating is weird.
If you’re squeamish about the ‘mess factor’ have sex in the shower or throw down a towel. But the average woman only bleeds 2-4 Tablespoons of blood TOTAL during her cycle. How much of that is really going to get spread around during coitus? There’s also this amazing invention called a washing machine that you can put dirty sheets into. They come out clean- I know, mind bending stuff!
The more turned on you get, the less you’ll bleed. In fact, in my experience, if you take out your tampon after you’re already feeling a bit sexy and then go for it, you won’t find any blood for an hour or so on a heavy day, or even up to a day if it’s in the lighter part of your cycle. The bleeding after that might be slightly heavier because the muscles you use when you come can help bring the blood down, but it will shorten your period in terms of time. And because an orgasm is a natural painkiller, sex is good for cramps too.
In conclusion, vampires are sexy as fuck and they DRINK blood. I back that as a thing (way, way sexy) but if you’re man is freaking about a bit of blood on the sheets then he might really freak about getting some on his mouth. Ask him what freaks him out about it, teach him that periods aren’t that big a deal- at least half of us have them, and pretty much everyone comes across one at some point. Embrace your awesomeness and your sexy period and help him embrace it too.