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Like a Virgin

Dear Aunty Slut,

My beautiful girlfriend is a virgin, has never masturbated before and has had a few inexperienced boyfriends. When we’ve tried to have sex, she’s far too tight, I’m on the bigger side and she’s 2 fingers really tight. I can make her cum without penetration and I’m far from a virgin (not implying that’s something to boast about).
So my general question is will she loosen up over time – it is certainly easier than the first time we played with each other however will it continue?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Hey Anon,

Firstly, there is nothing abnormal about this situation at all. It’s very common for women who have no experience to be anxious, which can cause tightening of the vagina. It’s normal for experienced women too! It’s all about sexual arousal and feeling relaxed and comfortable.

It’s good you’re getting her to come- more of that- lots more- for the win! But I’m guessing that she’s afraid penetration is going to hurt and therefore tightens up because she’s anxious, then it does hurt, so she tightens up and is anxious and it becomes a vicious cycle.

The more you guys stress about it, the more it will continue unfortunately.

She needs to feel relaxed in your company. If she’s not relaxed then maybe she doesn’t trust you completely- are you in any way pressuring her to have sex? You say you’re more experienced than her and are larger- it might be freaking her out.

My best advice would be to back off sex for a bit- take the pressure off and enjoy each other in other ways. If that sounds unreasonable to you- then maybe you are in some way pressuring her. You don’t come across as an unreasonable guy, but it’s kind of a sticky area- most of the time when guys are pressuring chicks they don’t even realise they’re doing it. Perhaps more likely is that she’s pressuring herself, because she thinks the only way to keep you happy is to fuck you- since you’re ‘so experienced’ (not that that’s anything to boast about). If that’s not the case make sure you tell her that, because even if she hasn’t said anything about it, I bet she’s feeling it.

Things to try- get drunk together. Have a bath together. Buy her a vibrator (not a penetrative one) and have fun with that. Internal finger/vibrator stimulation is good as long as she’s enjoying it. Have you tried with her on top? Give her the control, let her do what she wants and see if it helps. If she’s afraid of penetration, giving her control over it means she can stop where she feels comfortable.

Once you’ve really tried everything then head in to your GP- there is a condition called vaginismus that could be causing the issue.

Make sure you guys remember that there is more to life than penis-vagina sex. Remind each other why you love each other- because this sort of thing can cause stress in a relationship. Don’t give up.

Aunty Slut