The Plot: How two of the main G.I. Joe characters came to join the group in the not too distant future and fight a villain with a fondness for nanotech weaponry. Lots of dumb fun ensues.

The Review: This film can be summarised with the concept of ‘Mixed Douche-Baggery’, in that it never really shines from being a poor mash-up of ‘Iron Man’, ‘Bond’ and ‘Transformers’. In fact, watching the first 15 minutes and you’d be convinced that they’d stolen the convoy sequence from ‘Iron Man’ and rehashed it. In fact, this movie is little more than a B-grade doppelganger to ‘Iron Man’, but lacking the awesomeness of brilliant performances, flawless CGI or superbly choreographed action sequences. It’s the ugly cousin.

G.I. Joe comes across as mixed, and little of it merits a positive review. The acting is generally poor from the protagonists, and the scriptwriters have made the crucial flaw of making the baddies more entertaining that the goodies, distracting the viewer from whatever emotional support they are supposed to possess for the G.I. Joes. Especially, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who you might remember from ‘3rd Rock from the Sun’, who provides a sterling performance as genius/scientist/villain Cobra. And while Eccleston’s ‘Destro’ is thoroughly enjoyable, his inconsistent Scottish accent leaves the viewer wanting. The members of the G.I. Joe force have an appallingly forced chemistry, especially between Marlon Wayan’s ‘Ripcord’ and Rachel Nichol’s ‘Scarlett’, with the latter’s purpose seeming to be to entertain male viewers with tight leather outfits. Indeed, the same goes for Sienna Miller’s scenes, which involve more than enough cleavage to do the same.

The CGI in this film suffers from a lack of consistency with quality, at times lazily swinging between good and awful within scenes. Again, this kind of ‘do some bits good and they’ll never notice the bad bits’ theme has run through. The action sequences, which are generally coupled with the so-so CGI, manage to entertain, but they come across as cluttered and unfocused. In the end it’s a lot like watching a car crash in slow motion – entertaining, sure, but once it’s finished, there’s not a lot to keep the focus and you end up drifting off. That was a terrible metaphor, I know.

I walked out of the theatre buzzing, but trying to compile the merits of this film I find myself struggling. It’s not that this movie is bad, it’s just not good. The difference being that you’ll probably enjoy the film like I did, but for no real reason than 118 minutes of explosions, tight leather and science fiction can leave the mind numbed enough to stop the discerning viewer from hating it.

The Verdict: While it may not possess the wit and sophistication of ‘Iron Man’ or the technical prowess of ‘Transformers’, it is an enjoyable, if unmemorable, film that is likely too hit-and-miss to please the masses. Expect a sequel.

Rating: 5/10