As mentioned last week, Nexus agreed to meet at 7:30 at The Cook on Wednesday for some sweet, sweet Jazz. In Nexus tradition one Nexus showed up late, and then only one other Nexus arrived, a little bit later. So it must have been about 8:30 when the Jazz started and Nexus went inside.

If you weren’t aware, Zebra have been playing sweet, sweet Jazz at The Cook for years, every Wednesday night.

It’s great stuff, a four piece setup with a guy on an electric double bass, percussionist, sweet jazz guitarist and what appears to be an angel providing vocals. Once, Nexus was on a date there and absent-mindedly made the comment that Nexus would murder the unborn to have the opportunity to play guitar like that for a living. Just sitting down in a comfy chair, playing some sweet Jazz. Date was not impressed.

When Nexus was outside, we met a man who asked us to watch his package. As in, he had a back with something in it, and had to leave it outside while he went inside. Or something. Presumably it was alcohol, but Nexus was waiting for a bunch of cops to show up the whole time. Of course, that would require shit loads of co-ordination on the part of the five-oh and Cook St is at least a five-minute drive from the community constabulary. By the time the guy came outside the conversation had turned to opening moves in chess (there are twenty right? Eight pawns with two each and two knights with two each) and he had some valuable input. “You can plan all the first moves you want, but in the end there’s only one move, and that’s the first move, you know?” Nexus gave its best blanket, neutral agreement, borne from a few years working in hospitality and finely crafting the catch-all response to inane drunken patrons and hospitality workers. After rephrasing this line three or four different ways (apparently you can make the first move as many times as you want?) he then made an off-hand comment about white moving first. Being a gentleman of colour, this set up a lovely little awkward silence until he broke it with some more discourse on what do if money is involved, in which case you’d better stop thinking and start moving! Laughter all around. The bassist had finished his steak and the band had started up again, so Nexus went back inside.

There were quite a few people there, at least for what would be expected in a bar in the suburbs on a Wednesday night. Two 30-something women drinking wine and talking loudly about shoes or something, and older gent and a younger guy having some beers, and some other people sitting around tables. One table of cute girls. The bar staff all had nice bosoms. That’s not exactly a very tasteful comment to make, but Nexus maintains that it’s an important part of that tavern atmosphere. Nexus wonders if you’d get in trouble for running a retail or hospitality business and only employing females with nice bosoms. Surely it’s your right to hire whoever you wish? Kind of like Hooters in the States? Although I hear their standards aren’t that high. What if (Nexus Plan A) you started a fast food joint, say on or near campus, and only hired good-looking girls, and had them roller-skate around the place or something. If you pulled it off correctly, then the fast food joint would be well known for having hot girls there, and then hot girls would want to apply for jobs there because working there would be like proof of hotness. You could set up employment schemes at Sacred Heart College. Who’s with me? If this is sexist, please write in and correct Nexus. Nexus loves being… corrected. On an unrelated note, we’re on the fourth Guinness or so of the night by now.

So the sweet Jazz is playing, and every time they finish a piece or a solo Nexus claps, and is the only one clapping. Why aren’t people clapping? Every time Nexus claps, sweet jazz angel says thank you and Nexus wishes it could make its eye twinkle like in a cartoon. Zebra have been there for ages, as previously mentioned. Nexus wonders why they haven’t gone on to making brazillions of dollars on the sweet jazz Wednesday night circuit.

After a while, when it was rather clear that no-one else was going to show up (because the bar was closing) Nexus moved on. While Nexus was smoking outside, we saw a shop on the corner. The lights were still on. Apparently it was a board games shop, where you go in and pay $4 per hour to play board games. Nexus investigated. There was a sign with a list of games outside, and Nexus settles on Carcassonne, because we had played it before. However upon requesting it from the lovely girl at reception, a man came along and recommended a game that would suit two persons. He selected a game called Mr. Jack, and Nexus bought a Kit-Kat. The service was fantastic, as our host sat us at a table and proceeded to teach us how to play in broken English, and even stuck around watching the first round to make sure we had it all down. There was even free coffee and tea! In Mr. Jack, one person is a detective and one person is presumably Jack the Ripper, although our host didn’t state this explicitly. You have to take turns moving people around the streets of London, while the Detective has to discover who the killer is within eight turns, while the killer tries to confound and elude the detective and make his escape. The game actually seemed pretty cool (relative to other cool things you can do at 11pm on a Wednesday) although it took a while to get the hang of it. Of much greater interest however was the rowdy group of Asian gentlemen playing in the private room. If repeated viewings of Showdown In Little Tokyo have taught Nexus anything, then they were probably playing board games on reclining nude women. Nexus didn’t get the chance to find out.

And so ends Nexus Goes To: Jazz! Since everyone is apparently terrified of hanging out with Nexus, this weeks’ adventure was more or less an extended Split Decision column, if anyone’s memory reaches back that far. Next week, Nexus Goes To: The Snow! We’ll be heading up to Snow Planet to drink and fall down fake mountains for the evening. If anyone wants to come along then hit http://forums.nexusmag.co.nz and say hi in the ‘Nexus Goes To:’ thread under ‘General Discussion’.