New Zealand history is often thought of as the most boring subject at high school. We have never been invaded by Nazis, had communist guerrillas in the streets or sent men to space. In comparison to other nation’s history books, ours can seem a little bit bare.
As usual, however, and as Grant Burns has shown through his “Secret History” articles, the best history is always the bit we don’t hear about in the classroom or from the text book. The best history is those facts and figures which don’t always make it from the past to the page.
Let’s start our jaunt through the past of Aotearoa, in absolutely no order.
The Maori period in New Zealand history is always the hardest to translate to the page. With no written language and only oral histories for almost five hundred years, a lot of the major events and heroes of Maoridom have probably been lost, or mistaken for myths and legends.
Here’s what we do know: Maori waka (big-ass canoe) turned up in New Zealand in the 13th Century, at a time when most other civilisations still believed that the Devil controlled the water. No one can nail down exactly where they came from, but a quick look at a map of the South Pacific leads most scholars to believe that the Maori waka began their voyage from Fucking Ages Away. This began Aotearoa’s love affair with the sea. It took a while for Pakeha to get interested in it though.
In the early 1990s, 600 years after the Maori waka arrived in New Zealand, Kiwis started getting serious about water again. The Americas Cup, the oldest contested trophy in sports, was up for grabs, Russell Coutts and Brad Butterworth led the charge and the nation wore red socks in support of our sailors, despite never caring about them before. We just wanted to beat the Americans. And beat them we did. Also beaten: the Americas Cup Trophy, by a Maori “activist” in 1997, resulting in the trophy getting sent back to the original silversmith company who built it in 1843 and being repaired. Benjamin Nathan claimed that white exploitation of Maori was the reason behind his attack on the Americas Cup, but we at Nexus believe it was actually more to do with the trophy being extremely ugly.
New Zealand has a long and chequered history with all things America-related, trophies notwithstanding. The first foreign consulate was set up in Russell (our original capital) by the Americans, in order to deal with the large amount of American sailors and whalers who were passing through the area, having sex with all of our ancestors. During the Second World War, American marines from the 1st Marine Division en route to Guadacanal camped in the Wellington region. Generally popular with civilians (due to higher pay than British Empire soldiers and generosity), they were also known for causing bar fights and being dick heads. The Battle of Manners Street is a prime example of Yanks being dicks.
An Allied Servicemen’s Club in Manners Street, Wellington, was a popular hangout for American and Kiwi troops who were taking time off from killing Japanese and Fascist troops. The only problem was that the Americans didn’t like Maori troops being allowed to eat in the same place as them. Soon enough, New Zealand Pakeha and Maori troops were curb-stomping racist Yanks up and down the street. The battle only raged for two hours and the number of men involved is not accurately recorded, but it gives a good idea of how New Zealanders feel about racists.
New Zealand, contrary to popular opinion, doesn’t have a lot of time for racists. Everyone likes to think that Pakeha treat Maori like crap and Maori treat Pakeha like crap, but compared to other nations, we’re doing OK.
When our national religion (rugby) and racism mix, however, Aotearoa gets violent. In the 1970s, growing opposition to South Africa’s apartheid regime began to spill over from politics into sports. In 1981 the New Zealand Rugby Union decided to host a Springbok Tour, despite our government wanting nothing to do with racist South Africa. Robert Muldoon, our prime minister at the time, eventually decided that politics should be kept out of sport and the tour went ahead.
Bad move, Rob.
Thousands of protestors from all walks of life (including Mongrel Mob and Black Power gang members) did their best to make the South Africans have a rubbish time in Aotearoa. The rugby pitch in Hamilton was invaded by protestors, who were then attacked by bottle throwing rugby spectators and armed police. The violent reaction by police was seen by many as being an over-reaction to a mostly peaceful protest. The anti-Tour movement grew in strength, with each game being disrupted in some small way, until the final game at Eden Park. There a plane circled the field, dropping flour bombs onto the pitch to halt the match.
Don’t mess with New Zealand is the general consensus after the Springbok Tour of 1981.
Other countries have learned to not mess with New Zealand over the years. Italy and Germany probably won’t give us another go in a hurry, for example. In 1914, New Zealand troops invaded German Samoa (now just Samoa), making it the first German territory to be lost to Empire troops in the First World War. Italy got its ass handed to it by Kiwi troops during the Second World War, even after they’d surrendered. Turkey also won’t come back for a sniff around, even though we eventually retreated from the beaches at Gallipoli.
We are also the first nation in the world to give women the vote in 1893. We also got legalised prostitution (2003) and had the first transgender mayor (1995), as well as first transgender member of parliament (2000). Within a decade, many lobbyists see a relaxing of marijuana laws to the point where the drug of choice for Aotearoa is decriminalised.
Looking at the history of New Zealand in even a general way, missing out some of the bigger events, (like French terror attacks in Auckland and Dave Dobbyn starting riots) it’s easy to see that New Zealand has an awesome history. Get reading!