Nexus Summons the Devil... Almost.
Sunday, October 16, 2011 at 10:03PM So, we thought it might be a good idea to hold a seance.
We didn’t really believe in it and it was just a piece of paper stuck to some cardboard I found in my house. The letters on the page had been printed by a socialist’s printer and Karl Marx says “religion is the opiate of the masses”. It couldn’t have been anymore spiritually neutered if Richard Dawkins had run this baby off.
It’s just ink on paper, but for some reason everyone was a scared of it.
I told Charlie, the WSU VP, about my plans for this feature. He seemed pretty shocked, then begged that we to do it anywhere but the Waikato Students’ Union Building. When I asked him if he believed in it, he said he didn’t want to find out if it was a real thing. Charlie’s wife has trained for religious service, so this may have played a role in his feelings towards a seance.
Regardless, I wasn’t going to do anything in the building. It is Tainui land for starters, and secondly, I didn’t want to summon any unwelcome presences into the place I spend 9 hours a day. Ghosts aren’t good for productivity, or so my research has lead me to believe.
Several students I spoke to about this asked me “are you sure you want to do this?” One of them said that if I did it, they couldn’t hang around me anymore. They’re a scientist and an atheist to boot.
I picked as my seance team David, the graphic designer, Jimmy, the newsboy, and Kate, the newsgirl. Another friend of mine, Paul, was going to act as our spirit guide, as he had done it several times in the past.
A day before we were due to do it, people started getting cagey. My mum told me not to mess with that kind of stuff, but she grew up in the countryside and went to Wintec, so her fears seemed a little backwards. Kate opted out, as did Jimmy. Dave, Paul and I were the only ones who were going to get involved. Then Dave pulled out, chuckling nervously that he had to go and swap some Warhammer parts with a friend. Sure thing bro.
In three days we had gone from five people to two.
My flatmates seemed to both disappear at this stage as well, hurrying off into the night and not coming back until it was well late. I don’t know if this was purely coincidental or if it was their way of avoiding their fears. Either way, Paul and I were alone with the board.
Paul and I sat in my garage, candles lit, a Ouija board in the middle of the table. I was scared just looking at it. I’m not afraid to admit it. My stomach was churning and my head started to spin.
The candles I had lined up on the bench of my garage started going out, one at a time, at this stage. No shit - this actually happened.
Finally I decided that, as the Ouija board was printed by borderline communists and I actually don’t believe in ghosts or spirits, then it would have no power. With that in mind, I prepared myself to pull finger and get in touch with someone on the other side.
If a seance produces a result and contact with the spirit world is achieved, then that means, in my mind, that God could be real. If God is real, he sure as shit doesn’t want me goofing off with a seance and an Ouija board, deadline or no. The Old Testament is full of tales of God and his prophets directly instructing people to “not fuck around with the spirit world except through God”. When Samuel appeared to Saul via a seance in the Book of Samuel, Samuel was all: “You dick! God says you’re dead meat!” Sure enough, the next day Saul died in battle with the Amalekites.
I’m not sure I know any Amalekites, but I realised that I didn’t want to test out that theory by pissing off God.
Finally Paul said he had to leave, after telling me that I probably shouldn’t do a seance. People with a history of mental illness are apparently very susceptible to demonic intrusions. Good to know.
The seance did not go ahead. Fear put all of us off.
After Paul left, things started getting weird again. I found myself alone in my flat. I had heard from my flatmates that there were footsteps in the house at night, but I figured that they should just lay off the horror movies. Then I heard footsteps. My light dimmed and then brightened again. We hadn’t even done the seance, but weird things were still happening.
At this point, I grabbed my iPod and started cranking Christian music, especially selected to chase away any satanic forces which might be lurking in the house. Nothing says GTFO to demons like the Orange County Supertones.
So, we didn’t actually get around to doing a seance, but it sure was interesting to watch people run for cover when we were planning it.
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