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    First Editorial!

    Hello. My name is Art and I have the grand misfortune of being the Nexus editor for 2010. I assure you, it is a misfortune, because I have to find a way to juggle a dozen staff and volunteers in such a way that you get a magazine on Monday morning which is good. It’s not easy, because there’s way too many of you and way too many different ideas of what is good on top of that. A lot of you will be fine with pretty much anything we print, because you’re still young and carefree. Some of you, a vocal minority, will read Nexus only to find things to complain about and be offended by.

    Red-eye-torial

    Keeping tabs on student politics is a thankless task. As a journalist, you suspect that your audience isn't particularly interested in what you have to say, and that the only people really taking notice are the pollies on whom you are reporting. And if you call them out, they're not going to be happy. It's not like we go out of our way to make them upset. We're just trying to do our jobs, to be the critic and conscience of the organisation, but you can't stop people from taking things personally.

    ASPA-torial
    By Jackson James Wood, Salient Editor
    With various bits added and edited by Joshua Drummond

    You have probably never heard of it. The magazine you're holding is drenched in it. Your hands are covered in ASPA.  

    Don't worry, it isn't some nasty communicable disease, it is just your friendly neighbourhood Aotearoa Student Press Association. We're a network of student publications ranging from Victoria's―the one I edit―Salient, to Craccum at Auckland University, Chaff at Massey Palmy,Canta at Canturbury University, and about ten others in tertiary institutions.

    A very special Split/Decision
    With a very, very special guest end-word by Dawn and Carl
    By Chris and Josh

    C: With the recent release of Transformers 2 and GI:JOE – The Rise of Cobra (is that the sweetest name for anything ever, or what?) I’ve been subjected to endless crying about how nothing good has come out of the 80s, and that I need to grow up. I agree with this completely. PSYCH! The 80s were a beautiful time, where entertainment for entertainment’s sake was allowed to flourish. Josh and I argue often over this, because his parents banned him from participating in the 80s.

    The Laws of the Land
    By Josh Drummond and Wikipedia

    I like Laws. Not so much the “statute” kind, and definitely not the W(h)anganui Mayor kind, but the particular variety that says something about the inherent ironies of being human. One of my favourites is Muphry’s Law. Yes, Muphry’s, not Murphy’s. Murphy’s law is great, but it’s Muphry’s that I appreciate most.

    Muphry’s law is, according to Wikipedia, the rule that:

    “If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written".

    Jeditorial
    Guest Editorial by Mary Sue

    Josh, the Nexus Editor, sighed and thumped his head lightly on his desk. The contributors were late submitting their columns again, and the WSU pages were a lot cause. Nothing much was interesting in the news, and even the Lettuce page lacked some of its usual  je ne sais quoi. 

    If only, the editor thought. If only they knew my true power - the power of a Jedi Wizard. Things wouldn't be coming in late then.  

    Idle hands. Idle, busy hands.
    By Josh Drummond

    I think I’m going a little tiny bit crazy.

    The cold winds of winter have swept in the usual low-key seasonal depression, causing me to notice things I’d rather ignore. The Wintec Wall, which I usually try to complain about several times a year, is still a grey, smug, semi-vertical slab. There’s still a poo smell on campus. Waikato Uni still has bugger-all security guards at night. The infinite crimewave in Hamilton East continues unabated.

    On Satire
    By Josh Drummond

    I enjoy lying to people and watching them get angry. It’s a good way to get at the truth, and it’s often very funny.

    I am in good company. Many people throughout history, far better writers than I’ll ever be, have gotten enjoyment out of precisely this sport. Jonathan Swift? Abject liar. Terry Pratchett lies. Douglas Adams was a famous teller of porkies. Peter Jackson lied his ass off in a film called Forgotten Silver, and made a lot of people very angry. All of them have this in common; they were satirists. Satire is what we call lying to people and laughing at them when they get angry.

    Racism
    By Josh Drummond

    Nigger. Wop. Wog. Kike. Darkie. Hoorie. Whitey. Kaffir. Bongo. Slant. Golliwog. And, perhaps my favourite, “Bloody Maoris,” but rendered with that annoying Euro twang that makes it come out as “Maaaaries.”

    “I’m not a racist, but…” Who’s heard this before? Often as not there follows a statement that includes one of the terms I’ve helpfully listed above. “I’m not a racist, but…” is one of those terms I wince at, because I know what’s coming. It’s second only to “Some of my best friends are ___________, but…” as a signifier that someone’s about to embarrass themselves.

    Opinions
    By Josh Drummond

    We’ve got a problem with opinions.

    The problem, I think, is twofold. There’s too many of the bloody things, and no-one will put their name to them.

    But that’s just my opinion.