I like Laws. Not so much the “statute” kind, and definitely not the W(h)anganui Mayor kind, but the particular variety that says something about the inherent ironies of being human. One of my favourites is Muphry’s Law. Yes, Muphry’s, not Murphy’s. Murphy’s law is great, but it’s Muphry’s that I appreciate most.

Muphry’s law is, according to Wikipedia, the rule that:

“If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written".

Of course, there are plenty of others. Some I’ve made up, others are taken wilfully from the internet and other places. Perhaps you’ll recognise one.

Murphy’s Law
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Law of Delayed Comebacks
When insulted, the time taken to think of a perfect comeback (t) is directly proportional to the distance (d) travelled from the insulter and how awesome the comeback would have been if appropriately directed (a).

The Law of Corriearklet
The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising each other the whole length of the corridor.*

Hanlon's Razor
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Caboose’s Supposition
I think it would be ironic if we were made out of iron.

The Droitwich Statute
A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite directions and try politely to get out of each other's way. They step to the left, step to the right, apologise, step to the left again, apologise again, bump into each other and repeat as often as unnecessary.**

Clarke's three laws
First law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

Second law: The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Third law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Garfield’s Law
Everyone hates Mondays.

Garfield Minus Garfield’s Law
90 percent of the time a given Garfield comic will be much funnier without Garfield.

Godwin’s Law
The first person to invoke Hitler or Nazis in defence of an argument (usually on the internet, but may be applied in most places) may be considered to have lost the argument.

The Dilbert Principle
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Weatherston’s Law
Being provoked is a bad defence for stabbing your girlfriend multiple times, especially if you’re an arrogant fuckwad.

Law of Nazi-Forum Association
As soon as a new internet forum is created, a Neo-Nazi is born. The Nazi will inevitably find his way to the forum, and thus the circle of life continues.

The Law of Letters to the Editor
Less than one percent of people affected by a given issue will write in to a newspaper about it.
Addenum:
This proportion will unfailingly be written by either those people who failed England in school or Logic 101 at University (or both.) They will also, usually, be drawn from the school of “unfounded rabid ideological standpoints,” and are often written under the influence of intoxicants.

Drummond’s Law
“The amount of interest in a given story from those most affected by it is inversely proportional to its importance.”

And, simplified:
“Stupid people only like stupid things”

There you go. For more of these wonderful laws, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_eponymous_laws, where there are hundreds.

*Taken from Douglas Adam’s The Meaning of Liff
**Ibid.