
World health Organisation quarantines student area
New Zealandβs uphill battle with corona-virus is looking to end relatively soon should vigilance remain. However, the World Health Organisation (WHO) has recognised the βcesspool of STD’s, rodents and durry munchersβ, that currently occupy Hamiltonβs student area, as a potential threat. βWhat New Zealand was able to do with that COVID-19 thing worked out wellβ says WHO director Tedros Adhanom. However, Nexus has discovered that COVID-19 is no longer the biggest issue facing New Zealand, and that we pose βthe greatest threat to human health (The WHO) have ever seenβ. Apparently, the rancid conditions of the Hamilton student area makes the Wuhan wet-markets, the birthplace of corona-virus, look βcleaner than Ross Taylorβs mittsβ. It is expected that the amount of uncleanliness and germ-sharing within the area is likely to create a global super-virus which only the most battle hardened breathers and breathettes will survive.

COVID-19 Getting More Frustrated As Gathering Size Rules Loosen
With the size limit on gatherings being raised to 100 today, COVID-19 grows ever more frustrated as they now have to wait for 101 people to gather in a room before they can start infecting people. βHonestly Iβm just counting on those stupid fucking students to throw a party with over 100 people, then itβs go time for me and the boys. No holding back this timeβ exclaimed a lone COVID-19 cell that we ran into on the street. It followed up with βItβs absolute horseshit that we still have to wait for people to break gathering rules before we steam ahead, itβs been a solid 2 months with no actionβ. The Cellβs pent up frustration was evident so we directed him towards Brian Tamakiβs church service and told him that he wonβt have to wait around long for that gronk to break the rules.