Lecture 8: Welcome to winter.
Come one, come all to this winter wonderland that is Hamilton. You will encounter many strange weather odysseys, such as rain, wind, cold and Hamilton favourite; fog. Here are some quick tips on various winter-related issues.
How to keep warm using bugger-all electricity: This is a biggie, being students we can’t afford massive power bills due to excess usage of electric heaters in our crusty, non-insulated, built in 1952 flats. So, invest in blankets – lots of them! Also, many items of clothing piled onto your freezing, mal-nourished body does wonders. If you want to take it to the next level, a girl/boyfriend or ‘special’ friend can also keep you warm on those chilly nights. Do not, by all means, try to warm yourself in a prehistoric cavemen type way by fire. Fire sucks. Burning your house down whilst making a bonfire inside is not fun.
How to get your clothes dry on a rainy day... or weeks: Clothes-horse-rack thingies are awesome. Get some. Also, the hot water cupboard is great for drying undies and heating up your clothes over night. If you are seriously money-challenged and don’t have either of those things, you could sneak into the toilets at Uni and take advantage of those underused hand dryers. Warning: you WILL look like a freak doing this.
How to make yourself get out of bed for those 9am lectures in the freezing cold: Place your alarm on the other side of the room so you must get up, by the time you turn it off your body will be frozen into the standing position.
How to make the rain stop: A traditional ‘stop the rain’ dance is in order here. First you must gather a group of 7 male virgins and a cougar of the human kind, then stand in a semi-circle on the village green and do the Macarena. By the end of it, the cougar will have attacked all 7 virgins and scared the rain away.