Are there any hot bar girls who aren’t jerks in real life?
You may rely on it.
The fact that you’re a jerk, however, doesn’t increase your chances at getting a pash though. Stephanie Wcislo from house Bar is a total fox and a hilarious person too. But don’t stalk her. She knows crazy Africa and Polish ninja stuff. You’ve been warned.

Is Justin Bieber ever going to come back to New Zealand?
You may rely on it.
He’s going to wait until he’s rich enough to buy the whole country and then he’s going to kill us all. Because he’s super pissed that he was mobbed by screaming teenagers, had his hat stolen, was sprayed in L&P and then revealed his immense stupidity in front of our most stupid TV personality.

Are all Nexus contributors actually super heroes?
Yes Definitely.
They sure are. Some of them actually have secret identities and can shoot lasers out of their nether-regions. Editor Art has no super powers though. Just a beard and some sweaty treats between his legs. Hollie and Enisa have the power of flight, while Blair can talk for a very long time. Erin and James have the power of making out and holding hands. Sean and Sash both have the ability to wrassle each other naked in the mud without gaining erections, while Kevin Pryor can lick stamps at a rate never before seen. Richard Swainson has a power so terrible we dare not mention it here, even within these hallowed pages.

Are people getting cross about Islam too frequently?
Ask again later
I ain’t touching that one.

Are birthdays stupid?
It is decidedly so.
Birthdays are dumb and the older you get the more of your friends are married and don’t want to hang out with you. Or they’re dead. Because you’re old too. Maybe you should invest in a coffin so they don’t just dump your pathetic, used up body into the Waikato River. Fuck birthdays. I hate you. Being a Magic 8-Ball sucks too. Fuck this. I’m out.

To apply to be the new Magic 8Ball, please email us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz. 7Balls and 9Balls need not apply, regardless of magical abilities.