The concept of chivalry is historically associated with the ideals of knightly virtues, honour, and courtly love. In modern times it involves guys doing nice things for girls like holding doors open, giving up their seats to girls on a crowded bus, and holding an umbrella over them in the rain. Chivalry is general gentleness and graciousness to all women.

Girls, if a guy does this, APPRECIATE IT. Don’t look at them like they’re dirty rapey scumbags. Rapey scumbags won’t hold doors open for you, they’ll pin you up against them.

Or strangle you on the dance floor (yeah, we saw you assault that girl on Saturday night at Altitude, you douchebag. You deserve a penile amputation).

Girls nowadays seem to act like they don’t need chivalry from men. It’s against feminism, or some such junk. They seem to think that a man holding a door open for them is insinuating that they’re not capable of doing it themselves, or want sex in return for such favours.

Here’s a hint: Don’t be ridiculous. Sometimes it’s just a guy being courteous, and to throw that back in their faces makes you a bitch. How would you like it if you did something nice for someone random and they threw it back in your face? No wonder chivalrous deeds have decreased. Just accept the kindness and thank them for it. It’s simple. They’re not doing it because they want to do you, they’re doing it because their mothers brought them up to treat women respectfully. You’d want your son to be nice like that, right?

Chivalry should be repaid with kindness, and not by just taking it for granted. Show that you appreciate it. Every girl wants a knight in shining armour. If she says she doesn’t, she’s lying.

Knights are the new pirates, because pirates are getting a pretty bad rep with the shenanigans in Somalia. Knights are chivalrous, classy and brave. For boys new to the whole chivalry thing, there are seven simple characteristics involved:

Courage: Even when you have to do boring tasks, face them with a brave heart.

Justice: Be fair, and don’t be the guy who fudges the small stuff.

Mercy: Don’t get hostile. Just because you can waste him, doesn’t mean you should.

Generosity: With material goods, but also with your time and your wisdom.

Faith: Not so much in the gods, but in terms of keeping promises and such-like.

Nobility: Uphold your convictions, without being a snob.

Hope: Always be positive.

Men, following these seven simple rules will make you a real knight – the modern kind. Women will fall at your feet. Women, if you meet a man like this, treat him nice, even if he’s just holding a door open for you. Men like this are the best kind.

Girls, we should be encouraging chivalry, not shunning it. Otherwise chivalry will die for good and I’m sure you’ll be happy to complain about that.