I’m sick and tired of hearing people bitch and moan about how Nexus is “boring” and how it’s “too rude” and “not funny”. When was the last time any of you peasant scum tried to put a magazine together? When ‘s the last time you drooling Neanderthals wrote something other than a management essay? How about never! Where’s all of your articles and columns to improve Nexus and make it less ‘boring’ and ‘rude’ and more ‘funny’?

Nowhere, that’s where.

And somehow, crawling up from the conservative/mature student branch of the student population, people like William have gotten their hands on computers and written letters to the editor. Well William, in the words of Henry the VIII when he heard he couldn’t get divorced: FUCK THAT! It’s a student magazine and what the students want is the knowledge on how to perform a reach around, on how to get drunk men hard and how to make small boobs seem big. Students want to know where to drink and where to root! Students want to know how many vibrators are too many! And they want to know all of this without having some pious git preaching to them about how a university magazine for young people is supposed to function. Kiss my black arse. And my pink belly.

So, what I want you filthy minded individuals out there to do is email me. Email me like motherfuckers. I want dirty pictures, I want funny stories and, most of all, I want questions that’ll make the rest of us wonder what exactly is wrong with you. I won’t publish your name, unless it’s specifically requested, so all my knowledge can be accessed pretty safely in the magazine. You can chuckle with your friends about how putting a candle in your arse and lighting it is a good way to get off, then run home and bust out your earthquake supplies and drop trousers. No one needs to know! Fuck, no one wants to know! Email me! at agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz!

So get typing, you sexy, dirty little buggers! Lets take back this magazine from the moralists and the ‘pure of heart’ and have a good fucking chuckle about vaginas and penises and three-ways with our cousins! That address again! agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz!

Viva la herpes! Viva la butt plugs! Viva la Agony Art!

P.S. Next week I’ll be talking about the best way to organise a threesome. But not with my cousin.

In case we didn’t bang it into you hard enough before, here is Agony Art’s email address, one more time: agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz. Email him, you filth-ridden scum!