Making Living Cheaper

With Honest Matt

Honest Matt here. How the bloody hell are ya? That’s good. Right here is this week’s tip for making life a little bit cheaper/making some money.

The human body is a money making machine that is highly underutilized. Have you ever thought about donating sperm for money? White gold, testicle tea, whatever you want to call it it’s a precious resource that far too many young men are guilty of wasting (don’t you dare deny it).

Anyway I suggest donating a bit of your MANonaise to the salad of society. First of all you must go through a bit of screening process: psychoanalysis/ making sure your baby batter is A Grade, etc.  This screening process takes from 8 weeks to 6 months depending on the sperm bank to which you are applying, so get cracking now. I must be upfront and warn you that the world of love yoghurt donation is a competitive business. The banks only accept 5 percent of its applicants.

If you get the green light however you will be paid from $40 to $100 for each semen sample.  A donor can sire a maximum of 10 children and potentially make up to $6,000 in a year.  That’s a good chunk of dosh for busting out a few knuckle children!

The donation process is simple.  You walk into a private room, which is usually stocked with pornography and masturbate into a sterile container.  The semen sample is collected from the container and is mixed with a cryo-preservative solution, sealed in vials and frozen with liquid nitrogen.  The frozen semen is stored at -321 degrees Fahrenheit.  When needed, the semen sample is thawed and used in artificial insemination.

So next time you’re jerkin the gerkin in your cold, drafty, leaking flat and thinking to yourself ‘wow this self exploration would be much better in a warmer house’ remember this advice and go apply to donate some man chowder. With $6,000 you could be pulling it with a brand new daikan heat pump warming your room. Oh what a feeling that would be. Take a moment and think of all the money you’ve wasted since the age of 13. Sickening isn’t it? Don’t let this continue. Donate some man mustard today and get paid.

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