As someone who has experienced an unhealthy relationship (and one that I still kinda suppress because I absolutely criiiinge at what I put up with), I know it’s super duper important to look for those fluorescent red flags, even when you’re deep in the dicksand (or, like, whatever the female version is called). So, while it’s a little hard being this honest, this is just an overview (it’s not exhaustive, and I’m no councillor) of the signs that I personally experienced and ignored for far too long.
You find yourself constantly having to defend them
Your loved ones don’t like them, and when people around you voice their concerns about your relationship, you find yourself having to make excuses for your partner’s behaviours, or justify things. You’d fiercely defend your partner even though deep down you know that what your family/friends are saying is true.
They try to drive a wedge between you and your close ones
Your partner guilt-trips you into spending time with them instead of your other loved ones, even when you’re already making tonnes of time to see them at the sacrifice of. They might make you feel like your whole world and social life revolves around them, and them only. You don’t see your people as much anymore, because everything has become aaaaall about your boo.
They flirt with others
Whether it’s behind your back or not, it’s not okay. In my case, it was honestly like he wanted me to find out that he was sliding into his ex’s DMs, because he got a kick out of the attention. A person who intentionally makes you feel jealous or breaks your trust is not a person that’s good for you.
It’s not always easy to spot - sometimes other people can judge it better than you can when you’re in the thick of it. It might come in the form of them twisting facts to lay the blame on you instead of themselves, it could be them pressuring you into situations you aren’t comfortable with, or it could be them ignoring you until things go their way.
They’re rude to their family
Being unnecessarily argumentative or rude to their family is a massive, massive red flag. I hated the way my ex spoke to his mother like an angry 15-year-old all the time, ignored his sister, and acted suuuper ungratefully to his grandparents, who did sh*tloads for him. Mumma always said ‘the way he treats his mother is the way he’ll treat you someday.’ Plus, he was even rude to MY family - he made a stupid comment and my dad literally had to kick him out - to the point where my parents had to ban him from coming over. I have such huge regrets; take my word for it, notice things like this and break it off right
They aren’t happy for your successes
They aren’t genuinely happy for you when you’ve done something awesome, and they don’t validate your hard work. Heck, they might even actively try to prevent you from reaching your goals, because if they can have you down in the dirt on the level where they are, they think they can keep you reliant
The relationship started on rocky ground from day one
Maybe it began with dishonesty, somebody being unfaithful, issues with commitment or something along those lines. If they do it with you, they’ll do it to you, and what you allow will continue - if you couldn’t trust them or there was drama from the very start, it’s not a good sign.
If you can relate with any of these in your relationship, please know that it’s a problem, and I hope this might lead you to look into it further. Look into resources online about unhealthy relationships, start admitting to yourself that there are some issues, talk to loved ones about the situation and get yourself the f*ck out of there. I know it’ll be hard, I know that heartbreak (even after breaking up with an asshole) is an awful feeling, but please, please know that your life will be 10000x better without this toxic person. You need to get out. Self-love, self-respect, dignity, mad badass vibes - you gain those qualities by making decisions like these, however tough they might feel at the time.