By Nexus
Sep 02, 2019

Horoscopes: 2nd September 2019

Your astral projections for this week.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
This Virgo season’s predictions see you acting as your most sensible self. It’s time to put an end to your not-so-casual drug addiction and alcoholic tendencies and make good choices - at least for the next three weeks, anyway.

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
There’s a new light in your eyes and a bigger bounce in your step; the return of classes is the perfect time for you to reinforce your title as the coolest kid on campus. Just try not to think about how you’re really only an annoying management student that no one likes.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You’re destined to lead this week, but social media is not your friend. Stop posting Instagram rants about how environmentally friendly you are and how everyone else is an asshole - it’s probably not having the effect you’re aiming for.

Sagittarius (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
This week is all about symmetry. With the last six weeks of class upon us, you’ve perfected your personal to professional life balance, but your budgeting skills leave much to be desired. We suggest prioritising that flat power bill or you’ll face the financial crisis that is moving in September.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Like a well-tailored suit, you carry an air of importance that causes others to stop and stare. Unfortunately, you don’t own a well-tailored suit, and no one’s impressed by your hand-me-down blazer from your older brother. The stars say stick to cardigans.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Pluto is aligning with Venus this week, leaving your emotional state in overdrive. Think twice about calling your ex and crying about how stressed you are - our crystal ball is seeing mild embarrassment and regret in your future over several weepy voicemails left at 1:46am on Wednesday.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
This week you must resolve tension in order to heal yourself, and the best way to do that is to schedule a catch-up with your nearest and dearest. Because your tension is mostly caused by your untidy flatmates, perhaps plan this catch-up at Kahurangi so said untidy flatmates don’t overhear your bitching.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
A recognisable trait of an Aries is always being right, and you’re no exception. While so far reactions to your brutal honesty have consisted of sadness and anger, continue to subtly undermine the achievements of others through Facebook messenger - they’re sure to welcome your superior opinion eventually.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Partnerships will be strengthened this week, Taurus, and everyone’s true identity will be revealed. Be warned; this means yours, too. Might be time to mentally prepare yourself for everyone finding out that you enjoy watching Adam Sandler movies.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
You’re feeling a bit irritated and we can tell. Feel free to blame it on the stars; your record-winning short temper is 100% the fault of Jupiter moving into your third house of communications, and not at all related to your deep-rooted daddy issues being brought to the service by Father’s Day.

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
As the cry-baby of the zodiac, you’ve refused to let this last half of semester get to you. This week it’s time to boost your self-confidence; our predictions see some stellar Lime scooter abilities coming to the surface as you zoom across campus. Trust us, everyone will think you’re super cool.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
It’s time for you to break some rules, Leo. You’ve been drifting from your signature alty-girl look and it’s time to bring it back in force. We recommend your go-to yellow beanie, a classic striped shirt, and some coloured cord pants finished off with an oversized bomber – thank us later x

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