Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
The stars are saying that if you just trust yourself, you’ll get it right. This love is forever; you can feel it in your bones. You can stop all communication with your oldest friends. They’ll understand.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
The moon is in Pluto and a fresh start is coming, bringing with it complexity and transformation. Hold onto your hat, hun; this is complete overhaul. Fingers crossed it replaces your drug habit with some manners, amiright?
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
This week sees you prepared to love deeply and unconditionally. Unfortunately, further star mapping reveals this love does not extend past yourself, and will result in the loss of friendship, respect, and potential employment.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Pay attention to the earth and the way things have changed from what they once were. We all know that you used to be a fun-loving teen, but times have changed. “The old you would’ve done it” is not an excuse to invite your boss to pres.
Sagittarius (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
There is conflict between your inner self and the rest of the universe this week. Your Taurus friend didn’t invite you to kick-ons, and you’re taking it personally. Maybe message the group chat to plan a dinner catch-up; no one can say no that way, can they?
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Few things move faster than you when motivated. Your infatuation is clear, your puppy dog eyes are a dead giveaway. He knows how you feel, he’s not playing hard to get. Consider the length of time you’ve been pursuing this, and then maybe consider that he’s just not that into you.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Refuse to be numb to the world this week, Aquarius. You’re full of emotion that must be released or you’ll explode. Stop using passive aggression to get your point across and try just straight up yelling at your flatmates.
Our crystal ball shows you’re trying to blend in to the sea of people around you to no avail. It’s not your fault that you settle for a romantic partner that’s much less than you deserve and that people pity you. Perhaps trying dying your hair - that always works.
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
An impulsive act has affected your social life this week. While you may find other people’s breakups entertaining, beware of making jokes in front of them. As a first, try apologising, or face being kicked out of your Knighton Road flat.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
This week gives you the energy to put yourself first. You’ve stopped inviting that Sagittarius kid to everything; good, no one likes them. Take it a step further and remove them from the group chat. Be the leader you were born to be.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
We’re seeing a grand romantic gesture from your significant other in the near future. Show them just how much you appreciate them through yet another social media post, and your love will only grow stronger.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
The act of flattery sabotages the possibility of real intimacy. You already got a job at her place of employment to be close to her; stop the workplace harassment before she issues a restraining order.