As the planets shift into Aries, unwanted truths will cause ripples in your pond of life. We know you think you’re exclusive, but our crystal ball says otherwise. Might be time for a little Family Planning check-up if ya know what we’re saying.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
As the moon enters its third quarter, your particularly delicate vulnerabilities may be feeling more exposed than ever. Listen to the criticism for once and accept that, while it hurts, it will inevitably make you less shit and marginally more likeable.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Saturn is shifting into retrograde, and the timing could not be better for you. It’s time to take your responsibilities seriously and knuckle down; Tinder waits for no one.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Your Vesta is filled to the brim this celestial period, giving your organisation skills a well-needed refresh. Make the most of this potential and aim it towards something worthwhile; try to leave the sandwich artistry in the past.
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
With the end of Taurus season came a boost in your Neptune, and you’re definitely feeling the effects this week. As much as you like the thought of growing popularity, it will never happen if you don’t fucking reply to their messages.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
The winds are changing, and the universe is ever evolving. While the past still holds your heart tight in its grips, the future can take your happiness to new heights. It’s been a year since they dumped you, it’s time to move on.
Sagittarius (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
Venus will cross your orbit on Thursday, and love is in the air. Only on your end though - they are definitely not interested, you should probably take a hint and back off.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
With the winter blues settling in, your Ceres is definitely taking a hit. This week, take some time to look after yourself and revitalise the soul. We recommend ignoring your debt and buying that expensive facemask from Lush and making a trip to Duck Island.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
After the events of last week, we can see why you’ve decided to hide in your Lilith, but this is a terrible idea. You know what you’re like when you don’t emotionally explode every 25 minutes; let it out, man. Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
This week, a close friend will come to you seeking advice and approval. Whatever you do, don’t tell the truth - the knowledge that they’re failing in all aspects of their life is something that must come from within, not during a Kahurangi coffee date.
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
The sun has been shining on you since March, and your path to success is continuing to climb higher. Despite this, ensure you’re kind to those around you or that eventual fall from grace is gonna be super lonely.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
We know that the last several months have been rather tumultuous and full of change for you, but it’s time to embrace your new path. That being said, please continue to make digs at them on social media; we all love the drama.