We all know you mean well, Taurus, but your unnaturally big mouth will land you in a bit of trouble this week. Make an effort to be nicer, and hopefully you won’t get kicked out of your project group.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Within you, one can find an endearingly strong fight-or-flight reflex. However, this might not come in handy when trying to make your new relationship official. Refrain from eating their last Tim Tam, or chaos will ensue.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
This week sees your life heat up a bit as you try to rekindle an old flame. Even though they’ve ignored you the last 18 times you’ve tried to make conversation, what’s to say the 19th won’t work? Persistence is key!
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
It’s written in the stars, and clear as day in our crystal ball - this week sees public humiliation in your realm. Brace yourself for the possibility of being fired, dumped, called out in a lecture, or all of the above.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Keep your social schedule light this week to avoid any unnecessary stress. Academic perfection is an important value to you, but it’s an unachievable one when you’re on it with the boys every night.
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You’re known to make rash decisions, but perhaps this time take a few days to think things through. We know you hate that one guy in that one class, but perhaps don’t drop out just yet.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
With an impulsive moon in your fifth house, the urge to splurge is strong. Reevaluate your current situation and determine the cause of this recklessness; perhaps too much time spent on tinder has left you feeling a bit frisky.
Sagittarius (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
Neptune is in your sensitive fourth house this week. Paired with the Aquarius moon, this could blur your social boundaries. Remember to compliment others occasionally while you rant on about yourself yet again in order to avoid losing all of your friends.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Even in the darkest of times, there is light to be found. Be sure to switch the light on when hunting for midnight snacks, or suffer yet another embarrassing injury.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Your Saturn is foggy this week, and you’ll struggle to fulfill your responsibilities. Forget your assignments and take some time to relax and visualize the path you want to take in life with the help of Netflix marathons. You may as well not bother doing any dishes all week either - what’s new?Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Good things come to those who wait, right Pisces? Unfortunately, nothing worth mentioning can be found in your aura this week, but just sit tight - despite you doing fuck-all, destiny is bound to provide soon enough.
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
It’s never too late to change your life for the better, except in your case - turns out that you’re a terrible person and first impressions do, in fact, stick. All you can do now is hope for a second chance through reincarnation.