Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Progress is key, Pisces, so be sure to keep moving forward. Unemployment may be on the cards, but at least now you can get hammered with the lads every night without feeling guilty.
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You’re all about appearances, and that’s not a bad thing. However, perhaps reign in the loud decibels when discussing flat drama - you’ll likely just paint yourself as the annoyingly loud villain to everyone on campus.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
As your new love cycle begins, keep your mind and your options open. Everyone loves to have a full hand at the table, but beware that this can often come with a visit or two to the local docs.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
You have a strong sense of self, and you love to establish pride of place. However, this does not mean correcting every single thing someone else might muck up - you’re not fucking spell check.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
The moon is fully charged and you’re feeling a little more vulnerable than usual. Don’t stress though, everyone knows you’re a mood-swinging piece of shit, so you can suffer through your extensive emotions in relative peace.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
As we progress through March, you may be feeling a bit dazed. It may seem as though life is passing you by, but your continued belief that things will eventually go your way is sure to grant you all your wishes.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Hardship may be coming your way, for past regrets will be catching up with you. Accept that, with the end of your casual drug habit, you will be forced to acknowledge that none of your friends actually like you.
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Preparation is your strong suit, and this week is no exception. All the hurdles standing in your way will be overcome, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t get stabbed in the back. We suggest culling your private Instagram followers.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Give and you shall receive, young Scorpio! This week, what you have been handing out for so long will be returned to you - let’s call it karma for all those years of avoiding Family Planning.
Sagittarius (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
Relaxation is in your waters, so make the most of it. Take some time for yourself and optimise your lunch break - who cares if you miss your first test of the semester?
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
The stars are aligned for some outspokenness from you this week, so make the most of your platform. Our crystal ball says to use both Instagram and Snapchat stories to give your latest post a boost.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Enthusiasm is contagious, and you’re the one spreading it this week. Your 11th house is ruling your aura, and you’re set for success. Reconnect with your inner fire and take it all in, you’ve earned it.