Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
With uni getting into full swing, you’re in your element. Beware of becoming so chill that you forget what university is and subsequently fail 4 assignments.
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Your workload may be increasing Aries, but don’t fret. Rest assured that you will inevitably leave all assessments until their due date, before complaining about your C-.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
The moon will have a strong effect on your aura this week and all may seem lost. Remember that heartbreak will not last forever, but you best go on a 5-day bender just to be sure that no memory remains.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
As we continue through March, our predictions show success and prosperity for all. However, further investigation shows this does not include those born between May 21st and June 20th. Sorry.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
Love is patient, love is kind, but love does not mean following your crush to their place of employment and applying for a job. Calm the fuck down.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Confidence is key this week, Leo, so be sure to take the bull by the horns. Who cares if everyone hates you when you walk into your 1pm lecture 30 minutes late? You’re making a statement, revel in that attention.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
A faraway destination is calling your name this week and your heart is telling you to answer. Consultation with our crystal ball says to ignore your heart and avoid Whangarei at all costs. It’s just not worth it.
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Last week saw you assert your dominance, but this week sees a challenge arise. Quash any rebellion by calling her out on Moodle and your power shall reign for the rest of semester.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Waikato may have welcomed you back with open arms, but Mars in your sixth house will see this fade away. You chose to move away for summer, now it’s time to accept that all your friends have forgotten about you.
Sagittarius (NOV 22 - DEC 21)
With Pisces season in full swing, it’s time to sit back and get in touch with your inner-self. Consider a new path to take this year - hypochondriasis mixed with an addiction to vaping does not count as a personality.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Your life may be lacking emotional richness at the moment, Capricorn, but your time is coming. To receive love, one must love oneself - it’s time to throw the Adidas Superstars away.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Your body is a temple, and it seems you might require some reminding of this. We know you’re desperate for love, but it’s time to delete the dating apps - you’re better than that.